Vayigash english 2013

 HACHAM OVADIA’S SECRET MEMORY TECHNIQUE

 What is the earliest memory you have of your life? I’ll bet that the first memory you have from your childhood has to do with some emotion. Some kids not letting you play with their blocks. Or getting upset that it rained on Purim, and your Purim costume got ruined. Most early memories are connected to, associated with, an emotion. Sad, happy, frightened, etc. Its seems that we all have good memories; we can remember things from way back. If so, how is it that some remember things better than others? The difference between those who have a good memory and those who don’t has much more to do with how they remember things, how they store information, how they associate things, and how they retrieve their memory,  than it has with having a plain old “blessing of good memory”. Those who have a “good memory” are merely using it more efficiently. They are born knowing how to use the right techniques. It is obvious to them that this is the way to think and remember. If others would also use those same techniques, they would get much better results and remember things more efficiently. I studied this topic of improving memory for a while, and I found that it not only helps me improve my own memory, but enables me to help others improve their memory, as well. Instantly. There is no magic. It all has to do with sharpening the tried and proven techniques.

A Torah scholar once asked Hacham Ovadia Yossef, zt”l, for some memory tips. Hacham Ovadia asked the young man what masechet (tractate from Talmud Bavli) he was learning.  Hacham Ovadia took out that volume from the Talmud and handed it over to the fellow. Hacham O. asked him to open to the longest Tosefot in the Massechet. R’ Ovadia started to say the Tosefot word for word, by heart, while the student followed along with his finger. R’ Ovadia explained that this amazing recall is not from any reading technique or learning technique. It is from learning that Tosefot 200 times!!!

This story is unique, for it tells us that the geniuses, the Torah giants, had a system. It was not just good memory. Why don’t most Torah scholars learn a Tosefot 200 times, whereas Hacham Ovadia did? Tune into the Hesped heard in a eulogy  by his son, Harav David Yossef.

As a yeshiva boy, before getting married, I would learn every night with my father, at a set time. After I got married, a set time was not possible. Each night, my father would take out his personal phone book and look up my home phone number to call me and  set a time when it would work out for both of us. After a while, with the Rabbi always asking Rabbanit Margalit to bring the phone book, she wondered out loud to him, “How can it be that the Rav, who knows so many sefarim by heart, does not yet know the phone number by heart? You store so much information in your head, so much Torah; is it so hard to remember your son’s phone number, as well?” So, the Rav told her that he would try to memorize his son’s home phone number. He said R’ David’s  number over and over to himself, ten times, but he could not remember it!! He explained to his wife, “It seems that I remember the things that are important to me. Torah, I can remember, because it is so important to me. A phone number, a couple of digits, even if it is my son’s number, just slips my mind!!! I can always just look it up…”

Rav David explained this with something R’ Ovadia said from our parasha. Yaakov had not seen his son Yosef for 22 years, and thought that he was dead. Yaakov’s spirits were greatly dampened by this. The Midrash tells us. His children feared to inform him suddenly that Yosef was indeed alive; their father’s soul might depart from him at receiving such a great shock. Serah, daughter of Asher, waited for an opportunity when Yaakov would be in the middle of his prayer. (Serah knew that during prayer, her grandfather, Yaakov, had the greatest control over his emotions. This might have been the reason why she picked such a time to reveal the exciting news!) Then, she wondered out loud, near Yaakov, while he was praying , “Is Yosef still alive? Did he have two boys, Menashe and Efraim?” Yaakov heard this and his heart melted, while he stood in prayer. Once he had finished praying, he looked out the window. (Yaakov did not stop his prayers to see if this was true, or to look out the window, despite this having been the greatest shock of his life!! Some people today just feel a vibration in their pocket in the middle of the Amidah, and they can’t help but take a quick peek!) And he saw the Agalot, the wagons (this was Yosef’s way of alluding to the law of Egla Arufa, the last law which he had learned together with his father before their separation.  The word “egla” – calf – sounds like the word “wagon” – agalah – in Hebrew.) Yaakov understood, immediately, the clever allusion to the law that he had last learned together with Yosef.

The Midrash tells us the story. Yosef told his brothers, If Yaakov, our father, will believe you that I am still alive, great. If not, ask him the following. Wasn’t it the Parasha of Eglah Arufah that I was learning with him, before I left?… This is why the passuk says,וירא את העגלות ותחי רוח יעקב , ויאמר ישראל רב, עוד יוסף בני חי  And he saw the carriages, and the spirit of Yaakov was refreshed, And Yaakov said (I am blessed with) much (joy)! My son Yosef is still alive!!

The question that needs to be answered is, why did Yosef think of bringing their having learned this law together as proof that he was alive, rather than any other proof? Why was it this that revived his father’s spirit, and not anything else?

R’ Ovadia would explain. Yosef knew that even if his father would find out that he was alive, he would have been worried that Yosef, who was only 17 years old the last time he saw him, had fallen from the lofty spiritual stature of the Tribes. The good news would not yet be very fulfilling and happy, until his father heard that his dear son still loved to learn Torah, and felt connected to it. Once Yaakov realized the fact that his son still remembered his learning, this showed Yaakov that despite everything that Yosef had gone through, he still felt close to Torah; it was still important to him. When something is very important to you, you will remember it. And this is what Yaakov needed to know, so that his spirit would be revived.

If something is very important to you, if it is personal, you will associate it with yourself, and memory works mostly on associations. If you associate and identify yourself with being a sports fan of a certain team, you will find it easier to remember the stats of the players. Memory has a lot to do with what is important, and thus, relevant and meaningful, to you. With your identity. With what you are all about. We see in this parasha, over and over, what the family of Yaakov Avinu was all about. Torah, Torah and more Torah. Before Yaakov went down with his family to Egypt, he sent his son Yehuda ahead to make a Beit Midrash where they could learn the laws of the Torah. After Yosef revealed himself to his brothers and asked them to go back home to bring Yaakov to Egypt, he warned them אל תרגזו בדרך, do not get angry on the way. Our rabbis tell us, according to one interpretation, that Yosef feared that they might get so deeply involved in a disagreement on the way home that they might lose their way. What was it that worried Yosef? After having had such a profound shock, finding out that Yosef was alive and king of Egypt, what could they have a disagreement about? Not about who was to blame for their mistake in selling Yosef, but he feared that they might get involved in a deep discussion of Torah !!!

When Yaakov first met Yosef after 22 years, Yosef cried a lot on the shoulder of his father, but Yaakov did not cry. He did not kiss his son. Why not? Yaakov was too busy for that, at the time. Our Rabbis tell us Yaakov was reciting Kriat Shema!!  At such an exciting moment in his life, at a time when he felt his whole soul, Yaakov wanted to dedicate this moment to and associate it with his love of G-d. Because that is of the utmost importance to Yaakov. That this love for his son can be linked to his love for G-d. And, to take on himself at this time, when he realized how everything had worked out for the best, a new level of obligation to serve G-d. Yaakov wanted to forever remember his gratitude to G-d, so he linked it to the happiest moment of his life.

HOW ABOUT NOW

We find something in this week’s parasha that blows my mind every time I think about it. והנה עיניכם ראות ועיני אחי בנימין כי פי המדבר אליכם  . Rashi tells us here, in accordance with the Talmud in Meggilah 16,   Yosef told his brothers – just as I do not have anything against my brother Binyamin, who was not involved in selling me, so, too, I do not have anything against you . How was Yosef able to accomplish this? To put the years of jail, degradation being sold as slave and separation from his father all behind him? Not only did Yosef forget about what they did to him, he even called his son Menashe,   כי נשני אלקים את כל עמלי .  Yosef named his son after his ability to forget all of his troubles from the past. How did Yosef master this astounding ability to forget and forgive? What was the trick that Yosef had that allowed him to “let go” of the past?  So much of human psychology today is focused on helping people who are entangled in their past emotions to break free of them.  What did Yosef do, without the assistance of a psychologist, to get over things?

Yosef told his brothers his secret… ועתה אל תעצבו ואל יחר בעיניכם כי מכרתם אותי הנה כי למחיה שלחני אלקים לפניכם… , ועתה לא אתם שלחתם אתי הנה כי האלקים…   And now, do not be sad, do not get angry at your having sold me to this place, because G-d sent me out before you to sustain you… And now, you did not send me here , but rather G-d… What was Yosef repeating to them with the word ועתה, Now?  Just skip the word “Now”!

The answer is the secret that preserved Yosef’s true identity. ועתה , Now. Yosef did not try to forget about the past. He just lived in the present, the present being whatever G-d had made his reality , and the past was automatically forgotten.

This is extremely difficult to explain. But it is very easy to understand. There are different levels of Now. Anything that we can see, hear, smell, feel, or taste is in the Now. Anything that is actionable is in the Now. Anything and everything else is past or future. All the sadness, anger and stress that we humans just can’t let go of are thoughts of the past or future, not thoughts of Now. We cannot do anything about the past or the future, and that is why thoughts about the past and future (about 80 percent of average human thoughts are past / future thoughts) are so stressful. I will repeat that. The reason why thoughts from the past are so stressful is because we cannot do anything about them; they are  not actionable. Even when we try talking to others about these thoughts of past and future, they can never fully see ,feel , hear what we mean, just the way it is in our mind. So, we remain alone in our thought. The thought does not exist anywhere else in the world except in the mind of the person suffering from it.  Most people, by now, may think that I am exaggerating when I say 80 percent of “thoughts” are past and future.  But I will prove this to you. Next time you notice that your mind was not focused while you were praying, try to remember the thoughts to which your mind drifted – they were either past or future. If it had been thoughts of the present, the Now, then you would have been focused in your prayers. Any other thought is not actionable during prayers, because you were standing with your feet together, just in middle of praying. At that time you could not do anything else, so they could not have been thoughts of Now or actionable thoughts.

I once saw that someone wrote, “Any thought that you think about more than once is a stressful thought. If it is actionable, then, just do it. If it is not, then it is just slowing you down, so forget about it.” This is what Yosef said – ועתה אל תעצבו  . Now- in the Now, after your repentance, there is nothing to be sad about. Don’t start digging up the past, regretting that you sold me. The Chasam Sofer actually points this out. The Midrash(ב״ר, פכ״א) tells us that the word, ועתה  is a word that connotes Teshuva. Whenever we see that word, there is something that relates to repentance. The reason is that Teshuva is bringing a person into the Now.  The person repenting makes the most out of the Now. The penitent leaves the past behind him. In the Now, he is a new person. Teshuva is not about ripping out the past. That is impossible for us humans to do. Only G-d can do that for us. When a person wants to go to the past and change things, he is making an unrealistic request; that is not Teshuva. When a person wants to make the best out of the Now, to assure that whatever it is that he regrets will never happen again, that is Teshuva. Once he does that , he gets closer to G-d.  And connecting to G-d uproots all evil, including the evil of the past .The person that he was before his proper repentance no longer exists. It is just a thought. And this is what Yosef told his brothers, as well. I love you now, because the brothers that I see in front of me have repented and do not want to be the same as they were in the past. Now that you did Teshuva out of love, your past action is nullified. My being sold as a slave was solely an act of G-d. (חתם סופר על התורה )

A step further. There is no greater tool to bring one success than his own mind. And, conversely, there is no greater tool for self destruction than one’s own mind.  We all have thoughts, all the time. This does not mean that we are thinking. “Thinking” is facilitation thoughts that are actionable in the present, in the Now. No one ever got hurt from thinking. People get hurt only from thoughts. Thoughts are past and future. “Thinking” is in the present. When we get into the present we are connecting with reality, not just theoretical thoughts, and if there is something to do, there is no stress.

The “Now” is not only a concept of time. It is a concept of bechira, of remaining in the field of free choice presented to me by G-d, where I can be the most “actionable” . Not only past and future thoughts bring stress, stopping one from being in the Now, and doing the most effective, actionable thing that can be done. When we look around us, feeling that we are competing with others and not with “our self of yesterday”, this is another cause for stress that removes us from the Now.  Yosef told his brothers אל תרגזו בדרך  , Don’t get angry on the way. The Rebbe from Kretchenif (תורת חיים ואמונה) has a great Chassidic take on this passuk. Yosef told the tribes that each one has his own unique way of getting close to G-d; each shevet has his way of being mekadesh shem shamayim in the world. Don’t start fighting which way is the right way. When we do that, we are missing “our way”. We are missing the Now.

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