lech lecha
HOW RELIGIOUS IS SHE?
My rabbi once told me an interesting thought that has a lot to do with our Parasha. It used to be, when he was called by someone inquiring about a girl that learnt in his classes for a shidduch, the voice on the line would ask, “How is the yirat shamayim of the girl? How great is her fear of Heaven?” At first, my rabbi would answer this question about how much yirat shamayim other people have, by saying that he does not know how to answer it. He would explain that only after Avraham, our forefather, passed the tenth test, Akeidat Yitzchak, did G-d say “Now I know that you are G-d fearing, for you did not withhold your son from me”. How, then, can I tell you if and how much the girl is G-d fearing?
My rabbi told me that this did not work. People thought that he was hiding or managing information about the girl and was not giving straight answers. So, instead, my rabbi would ask the person “What, specifically, about the Yirat Shamayim of the girl do you want to know ? “
In this week’s parasha, parashat Lech Lecha, we start off with the first of the ten tests of Avraham brought in the Mishna in Avot (chapter 5). According to the Rambam, the ten tests were 1 – leave the land of your father, 2- accept the challenge of a famine in the new land, 3- deal with Sarah’s being taken to Paroah’s palace , 4- wage war with the four kings, 5- take Hagar to have children from her, after seeing no progress with Sarah, 6- circumcise, even at an advanced age,7 – contend with Sarah’s having been taken by Avimelech, 8- send Hagar away, 9- send Yishmael away,10- sacrifice Yizchak – Akeidat Yitzchak. The Rambam does not include the episode with Nimrod in Ur Kasdim, when Avraham got thrown into a firey furnace due to his belief in G-d, in the ten tests . The reason for this is because the Torah does not mention this test. (The Ramban learns from here that the test of Ur Kasdim was not mentioned because the Torah does not want to include idol worshipper’s claims and beliefs.) The Bartenura, however, does include Ur Kasdim as one of the ten tests. We can deduce from the fact that G-d tested Avraham consecutively that each test related to a new, higher level of how much Yirat Shamayim Avraham had. If so, it would seem that the test at Ur Kasdim, when Avraham was being asked to give up his life for his belief, was less of a test on the “scale of Yirat Shamayim” than that in which G-d asked him to leave his father’s land and go to a land where G-d would bless him. How could this test of leaving be a higher level thanUrKasdim? Isn’t giving up one’s life for his religion the greatest sign that the person is G-d fearing?
The answer to this question is indeed a weighty one. As hard as it is for one to die to sanctify G-d’s Name, it is much harder to live in a way that sanctifies G-d’s Name! To live in a way that sanctifies G-d’s Name could mean to be in shul a few minutes early, before prayers start. It could mean not to talk in shul – any number of things that we sometimes feel, as Orthodox Jews, that we should strive toward. It could well mean making significant changes in our daily lives, despite the fact that if there were to be an instance where we knew that we had to give up our lives for our religion, we would certainly do so. Many non observant Jews would prefer to die than give up their Jewish identity. But they will not give up their “everyday life” for their identity. The reason is because, somehow, it is harder to live like a Jew than to die like a Jew. Avraham was tested by being told to leave his father’s home, to have faith that this was a smart move, and to start life in a new place. This was a new level of test that Avraham had to deal with: living according to G-d’s command. even in the everyday.
When we question if we have Yirat Shamayim or we do not, or how much Yirat Shamayim we have, this thought should come to mind. It may very well change our lives. Our everyday lives.
DEFINING CHINUCH
A unique feature of Lashon haKodesh (the Hebrew language) is that the deepest essence of each word is found in the first usage of that word in the Torah.
Let us take the words ‘gadol’ (large) and ‘katan’ (small) as examples. The first encounter we have with these words in the Torah is in reference to the sun as being “haMaor haGadol” while the moon is described as “haMaor haKatan” (Bereishit 1:16). The words ‘big’ and ‘small’ do not refer to size alone. In addition, gadol means mashpia (one that influences) as well. The sun is the source of light while the moon is a recipient of this light and affected by it. It is this ability to be a giver/an “influencer”, as opposed to being katan, a taker or a receiver, which defines the sun as ‘gadol’ and the moon as ‘katan’. The title ‘Gadol haDor’, is not bestowed upon every generation’s outstanding Torah scholars only on account of the prodigious amount of Torah they know, nor is it based upon the number of followers. Rather, the prerequisite for being a Gadol is one’s being a mashpia, a spiritual source of wisdom, guidance, advice, and new hope. Ironically, a person can be gadol, old in years, yet remain katan, lacking what it takes to be mashpia upon others – one’s community, one’s place of learning or working, or even upon one’s family.
Having explored a classical example of the depth of Lashon haKodesh, let us examine a word that describes a most ubiquitous topic in Jewish discussions: Chinuch. Commonly interpreted as education or childrearing, this word has an additional, deeper meaning. The first time we encounter the word, ‘chinuch’, in the Torah is in our parasha, regarding the relationship between Avraham, the Patriarch of our nation, and his servant, Eliezer: “וירק את חניכיו”, “and he hurried his apprentice (Eliezer) who he trained ” (Bereishit 14:14). Rashi explains that the word, chinuch, “is training a person or item to be able to achieve its maximum performance in the future.” Avraham had trained Eliezer to do mitzvoth and chessed in a way that he would be self-motivated and knowledgeable as to exactly how to behave. Interestingly, R’ Meir Shapiro from Lublin draws the following inference from these words of Rashi : If the training does not achieve a long-term effect, then it is not proper chinuch/training.
Chinuch does not mean to raise children. It means to raise adults. This sounds like common sense, but many parents somehow live with this misconception. Instead of bringing up, nurturing and cultivating a family, they try to maintain one. The efforts that go into that maintenance undermine the latent, deeply-rooted necessity to train our family members for future conduct. .
The ripple effect of this miscomprehension is that parents perceive their offspring as children sitting in the back seat of a car: in whichever direction we choose to go, they are to follow. R’ Yisrael Salanter writes, “… as the carpenter steps on scraps of wood, and the glassblower on broken shards of glass, the mentor (or parent) similarly steps on the souls of those he mentors…” Naturally, a craftsman looks down on the unfinished, raw material of his trade. Likewise, a parent may relate to his/her child in the childrearing mode, and not as a separate independent being.
However, the Torah refers to chinuch as training. Training to do mitzvoth. Training to live a Torah life. The concept of child-rearing conveys dealing with children in the most efficient manner possible for the duration of the child’s stay in the parental household, with minimum amount of involvement on the part of the parent. Training, unlike childrearing, connotes the act of constant guidance, modeling and mentoring.
This one difference has so many ramifications. Childrearing methods or institutionalized education can have some effect upon a child, even when s/he is not fully involved in them. Just throw him or her in the back seat and buckle up! Training, on the other hand, can never be accomplished when there is reluctance on the part of the recipient. Although a child manipulated by his/her parent through reward for good behavior or punishment for bad conduct can show successful short-term improvement, he will rarely continue achieving positive results in the long term. .
Besides creating an environment of love and warmth, proper chinuch/training can only be done where there is perceived trust – trust that the child feels important in the eyes of the parent (and mentor). Sincere listening to, validating of and empathizing with a child’s feelings may be the most powerful tools to achieve this. One can just imagine how much damage in the training relationship can be caused by not listening with full attention to a child when s/he would like to share something with the parent. A parent can, at least, say, “Now is not a good time, but I would like to hear you out in a short while.” Listening, preferably ten minutes a day, strengthens the parent-child relationship, resulting in a much better chance that the child will want to be trained by someone he now trusts.
The prerequisite to this first step in the actual training process is a parent’s self-improvement. Often, my rabbi would be confronted by parents who came for counseling about dealing with adolescents. Always, he would advise, at the outset, that the parents try strengthening themselves in that particular issue or area of life or Judaism with which they discerned their offspring struggling.
HOW JERUSALEM GOT ITS NAME
Most people do not know howJerusalemgot its name. The Midrash on this week’s parsha tells us that Malki Tzedek, the king of Shalem, who greeted Avraham after the first “world war” with bread and wine, was none other than Shem, the son of Noach. After the Flood, Shem was given the city ofYerushalayimby his father, and was granted kingship and priesthood, also inheriting the clothes of the Kohen Gadol. (Only a kohen can bring a sacrifice, and then the first born would merit kehuna, priesthood. Adam, the first firstborn who brought sacrifices, donned the clothes of the Kohen Gadol. Before he died, he passed over priesthood to worthy descendants. Noach inherited these clothes of the Kohen Gadol and offered up sacrifices. Noach gave these clothes to Shem. Bamidbar R. 4). At that time, Yerushalayim had a different name, given by Shem: he called it “Shalem”. In Breishit Rabba , G-d said, If I call this holy place what Avraham called it at the Akeida, “Hashem Yiraeh”, ( a place where G-d will be seen in the future) then Shem, the tzaddik, will complain that he had previously given it the name Shalem. And if I call it Shalem, then Avraham will complain. So, I will call it the name that combines both names, “Yerushalem”.
And, when Shem gave the bread and wine to Avraham, he blessed him and said,ברוך אברם לא-ל עליון קונה שמים וארץ. וברוך א-ל עליון אשר מגן צריך בידך Blessed is Avram to the Supreme G-d (א-ל עליון) the Founder of the heavens and earth. And blessed is the Supreme G-d, Who handed over your enemies into your hands. The Midrash Aggadda tells us that because of this statement, Shem had to surrender his rights of priesthood and kingship to Avraham. Although he did not say anything wrong, how he said it was not proper. He should first have blessed G-d and then blessed Avraham. For some reason, Shem switched the order, blessing Avraham before G-d. Either way, Shem was totally fine with handing over the priesthood to Avraham, for no other descendents of Shem were worthy of receiving it
This idea had an impact on me. I was with one foot out the door of shul when I was saying Aleinu Leshabeach at the end of prayers. And then, I remembered what Shem lost because of the way he praised G-d. I stopped right then and there and walked back into shul. I tried much harder to praise G-d in Aleinu Leshabeach with the way it should be said. It felt like a different Aleinu Leshabeach. Shem lost so much because of the how. Later that night, a friend asked me which sefer mussar I recommend that he learn. I realized that this, too, is the lesson of Shem. I told him that it does not matter what he learns, it matters how he learns it. We can learn so much, halacha, mussar etc., and it can be on a whole new level if we put our minds into how we learn.
I wondered what it was that caused Shem to make such a mistake. But more than that, another question bothered me. We know that Avraham got all the credit for being the first Jew, and for introducing to mankind the idea that there is a Supreme and Almighty G-d. We also know that Avraham would encourage people to learn about his newfound religion, and that he opened a yeshiva. Didn’t Shem precede him in this? We know that Shem had a yeshiva, and Yaakov learnt there on the way to the house of Lavan. (Commentators say that there, he learnt how to deal with Lavan and survive in his house.) So what was the big deal that Avraham introduced to the world? What was new in the yeshiva of Avraham that was not existent in the yeshiva of Shem?
R’ Chaim Kaniefsky, shlit’a, explained that in Shem’s yeshiva, the Noachide laws were taught. In Avraham’s yeshiva, he learnt all the 613 mitzvoth. Avraham knew the 613 mitzvoth because he knew G-d. We say in the Blessings of the Torah each morning ונהיה אנחנו וצאצאצנו …כולנו יודעי שמך ולומדי תורתך לשמה – and, please G-d, may we and our children merit knowing Your Name and learning Your Torah. What does learning Torah have to do with knowing the Name of G-d? Everything. The only way one can learn about G-d and get to know Him is through the Torah. Then, Avraham knew G-d through the Creation, so, in reverse, he knew the Torah. And this is what Avraham contributed to humanity: that G-d is seen through the Creation. Just as Avraham called Jeruasalem Har Yiraeh – the mountain where G-d will be seen. And this sheds a new light on the word Yirat Shamayim. It does not only mean fear in a sense of panic. It means fear in the sense of seeing. When someone sees G-d in every part of Creation, he can’t keep himself from being in awe. This was the new concept that Avraham introduced to the world. And studying it in his yeshiva, he was able to figure out all the 613 mitzvoth. And this is why Shem blessed Avraham with such a blessing. This is because קונה שמים וארץ was Avraham’s motto. Avraham proved to the world that G-d is קונה שמים וארץ , Founder of heaven and earth. The word קונה has a few meanings. It means “owns”, and it means “founded”. But there is a deeper meaning of this word קונה . It means של, “of”, or “belongs to”, “in relationship to”. All the things in the Universe show a relationship to G-d. This is what Avraham taught the world. And for this, he merited taking the priestly garments from Shem, who did not emphasize this basic fact truth to the world as Avraham did.
