english NOACH 2013
SECRET (OF) CHARM
Some people have charm. Wherever life takes them, people are drawn to them like a magnet. I used to believe that charm is something that you either got from Heaven or you didn’t. Time has taught me that some people who have charm can lose it, while others who did not have it suddenly figure out how to turn it on, consciously or subconsciously. Charm is important, for it is the secret recipe for getting people to like you. It can get people to want to have you around. There are a few ingredients in the recipe for gaining charm. Many people who have charm did not break it down to a science. They do not know that they naturally stumbled onto the secret recipe. They just naturally put into play the behavior that creates it. Not being aware of just what it is that they are doing right can sometimes result in trying other modes of behavior and losing the charm.
There is a Hebrew word consisting of only two letters that, despite its brevity, can take you very far in life, if you really know what it means. חן. The translation of the Hebrew word חן is grace or favor. Grace is so important that we pray to G-d three times a day in שים שלום at the end of the Amidah, asking him to grant us grace. We pray for it immediately upon awakening in Birkot Hashachar. People know, at least subconsciously, what grace is. But most people do not or cannot define it in cognitive terms. Once you know what grace is and you implement it, you have what we call charm. Charm and grace are really dependent on a few factors. We are going to focus on the most important one, the one that has to do with our ancestor, Noach.
There are two main characters in the תנ”ך that won this title of חן , two people that had grace. Noach is the first one. In Havdallah, Sefardim say the last passuk in parashat Bereshit ונח מצא חן בעיני ה’ , And Noach found favor in G-d’s eyes. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 105) writes that the decree of the Flood applied to Noach, as well as to the other people in his time אף על נח נחתם גזר דין אלא שמצא חן בעיני ה’ . Noach was spared from the outcome of the decree because he had this favor, this grace. Grace saved his life! The power of grace is so great that one who possesses it can be rewarded royally, without even deserving it. Moshe Rabbeinu beseeched G-d to forgive the Jewish Nation of the sin of Golden Calf in the merit of grace. And G-d answered him וחנותי את אשר אחון – I will act with grace to those in whom I find grace. Rashi comments (Berachot 7a) ” Even though the one who possesses grace is not worthy of My grace.
It is obvious, then, that one who has grace gets much more out of life then he deserves. And, people forgive such individuals much faster. But, what is this grace thing, and how does one get it?
The next person who won the title of חן was Queen Esther. From all of the girls that were candidates to be Achashverosh’s queen, Esther was chosen. And here are the words of the psukkim ותהי אסתר נשאת חן בעיני כל ראיה And Esther found favor in the eyes of all who saw her. Then the passuk says, ויאהב המלך את אסתר מכל הנשים ותשא חן וחסד לפניו מכל הבתולות And, of all the women, the king loved Esther, and she found favor and kindness before him more than all the virgins.” What did Esther do to get this חן , specifically in the בית הנשים , the place where all the female candidates were busy with jewelry, perfumed oils and beauty treatments? And another point. It seems that חן and חסד go together, both in the case of Esther and in the Amidah, in שים שלום. What is the connection?
There are two approaches to life, exemplified by the way people relate to others. When joining company, some will walk into a room and say, “Well, here I am!” There are others who walk in and say, “Ahh, there you are.” The first person shines the spotlight of the conversation on his own life’s interests, while the other shows genuine concern for what is important to his fellow. You have two tracks of thinking that you can run in any given relationship: What can I do to that will make it more enjoyable for me when I have this person around? Or , What can I do to make things enjoyable for the other person to have me around? What is the difference between the two? חן. Grace. Favor.
Noach’s father gave him the name נח saying, זה ינחמנו ממעשנו ומעצבון ידינו מן האדמה אשר אררה ה’ This (son) will make things easier for us to deal with the land that was cursed by G-d. The Hebrew word נח means “comfortable”. Noach lived up to his name, making things comfortable for the people he shared the world with. The Midrash tells us that Noach invented the plow, the spick, and all other tools for working. Until then, people would just plow with their hands, cut wheat with their hands – and everything was very difficult.קוץ ודרדר Thorns and thistles were in abundance, due to the curse that G-d gave the land when Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge. But Noach invented the solution to a global problem. Noach did not become rich from this. There was no way to patent a shovel or a rake. But he thought how to make life easier for the people in his generation. Everyone else was just busy solving his own life’s problems. No one invested time designing things that could help mankind. Noach, however, genuinely cared for other people. This is what gave him grace and favor. And, this is what saved his life. G-d knew that the right man for the job to care for the animals in the Ark had to be Noach. This explains why Noach got punished severely the one time he brought food late to the lion. The lion slashed his leg, making Noach limp and bleed heavily- וישאר אך נח (see Rashi 8;23) . Why was Noach punished so severely for just a little delay? But, now we understand that Noach was, in fact, not worthy of being saved. He was actually part of the decree of annihilation in the flood. The only thing that kept him alive was grace: caring for others, showing interest in others. When he slacked off in that even a bit, he lost his merit for a minute; he lost his grace, and was now punished as part of the original decree.
Esther’s חן had the same basis as Noach’s: caring for others. The Talmud (Meggillah 13a) tells us that the source of Esther’s חן was in her making each person feel that she was from his nation. How did Esther make people from so many varied backgrounds feel that she was a “landsman” – a fellow compatriot? She showed them that she loved them and cared about what was going on in their lives, with such warmth that they felt she was part of them. Despite her being queen, she behaved with humbleness, treating each person as a צלם אלקים . (see Me’am Loez 2; 15) This is what brings a person grace. And it can take a person very far in life. It seems that this is the connection between חן and חסד, kindness and grace.
King Solomon, in Mishlei, teaches the main variable for this charm. ולענוים יתן חן (Mishlei 3 ;33) And G-d gives favor (or grace) to those who are humble. Humbleness means putting yourself on hold for a bit. All sensible etiquette is connected to recognizing that there is someone else in the picture. There are infinite details of how to express this recognition: the way one acts, talks, and even one’s body language. All these bring about the grace, the favor, the charm. Respecting that there is someone else, and caring that he is there. We ask G-d that we merit this humbleness, have that charm, and show that we care that there are people in our world other than “me”.
THE DECISIONS WE MAKE
Imagine for a minute that you were Noach. You are 600 years old. You are asked by G-d to build an Ark. Not just to “tell” the people of the world that their end is coming near and that G-d is finished with them. You are expected by G-d to build an ark, a big “thing” in middle of town, just to remind people every day, all day, that G-d hates the way that they live and they are expected to change, “or else”. The whole world is against you. You were asked by G-d to gather all the animals, a lot of Kosher ones and not as much non Kosher ones. And then you go into the Ark. With your close family and kids. You don’t sleep for forty days and forty nights, running a “five- star service” cruise for all the species. You don’t see the light of day, and the only light you have is the strong light of this special stone that Noach hung from the ceiling. You deal with the garbage and foul smells that have accumulated. No fresh air. And your leg is bleeding severely from the lion that ripped it open when you were a little late in bringing him his food.
And then things calm down. You are grateful to G-d for keeping you and your loved ones alive. But you probably want “out”. You know that there is dry land because of the dove and the olive twig. There is no sign of G-d. And then there is a bump. You have landed, and things dry up. What is going through your mind?
The Midrash says (ילקו”ש בראשית פ’ ח’ סי’ נט’) , “What would go through the minds of almost everyone? R’ Yudan said, Had I been there, I would have broken down the door and gone out.” The Tanchuma Yashan adds that this is precisely what his children told him. But Noach said,” Just as I came in with permission by G-d, I must leave with permission by G-d.” Noach did not follow his natural impulse. He did not just run out, get started with life. He made a deduction. He thought about each thing, what he should do and how he should behave.
The Midrash tells us ויבן נח מזבח לה’ ויקח . Noach built an alter, brought sacrifices, the first thing after he left the ark. Why did Noach do that? The Midrash tells us that the word ויבן does not only mean built. It means understood. Noach understood that if G-d put in the Ark more kosher animals than non kosher animals, this was for Noach to understand that he was to bring a sacrifice after things would calm down.
How did Noach understand this? Because he looked around and figured things out, asking himself questions like, “What does G-d want me to do now?” This is without Noach having received prophesy to do so.
When we are faced with a decision in life, we must ask ourselves, for whatever reason I find myself here in life – here I am. So, what does G-d want from me this year, this week , this minute?. What is it that He gave me, and what does He expect me to do with it? This is what Binah is. This is what Noach had. And this is a message we should take with us from the Teiva.
A MESSAGE FROM A DOVE
At the end of forty days of rain, Noah sent a raven and afterwards a dove to verify that the floodwater had subsided. The dove returned to Noah with an olive tree branch in its beak. The Talmud (Eiruvin 18b) explains that the dove here relayed to Noach the following message. “I would prefer my food and sustenance bitter as an olive from the hands of G-d to food as sweet as honey from the hands of a human being.” The dove’s words were powerful, maybe even slighting to Noach, who had toiled restlessly for forty days to sustain this dove among all the animals of the world. The following concept may clarify this:
The “dove with a twig in its beak” became an international symbol of peace. R’ S. R. Hirsh claims, however, that the dove does not represent peace as much as it represents independence. The dove conveyed to Noah that independence offers greater pleasure than comfort. Although the dove received first class service, this did not in any way equal the pleasure of freedom and dealing with the world as is, without assistance. We may not be cognizant of it, but G-d implanted in all creatures an innate pleasure in life of managing on their own, without human intervention for support. This pleasure is linked to the world’s greatest pleasure, recognition of G-d and acknowledging His hand in our success. This pleasure is greater and deeper than being supported comfortably. When one is being supported, he can be easily misled into believing that the means of support are the source and not merely a medium.
Hence, the dove told Noah the following. I have enjoyed all that you have done for me and I am grateful. Despite this, I would like to move on and have a direct relationship with my Creator. This reminds us of the prayer we make in Birkat Hamazon, the grace after meals. And please, Almighty, do not make us dependent upon the hands of humans for sustenance… rather dependent on Your hand, which is so generous, open, full and rich…
Whether we are supported by others or on our own, we must remember not to lose focus of Who ultimately supports us. Displaying appreciation to G-d and strengthening our relationship with Him can bring about the ultimate inner satisfaction. All this can be handicapped by a false perspective that a parent, guardian, school administration, boss etc. is the root source from which we receive our sustenance. The dove conveyed to us a message that it is easy to be confused about this. Although these kind sources of support toil endlessly to benefit their recipients, we must keep in mind that the real source of sustenance is from Above. This concept can aid those who are bitter about how much and exactly how they are supported. A sincere Birkat Hamazon and a change of perspective may convert such bitterness into something as sweet as honey.
