ENGLISH KI TAVO 2012
SMALL CHANGE
In the days of Elul, everyone claims that they want to change. Change is scary because it involves struggle. It means acknowledging that the way I presently think or feel or perceive is flawed. It means that every day I have to stick to the new commitment that took me only a few moments to make. All this takes time. Something like forty days. Welcome to Elul!
As Rosh HaShanah approaches, many of us have the unfortunate feeling that “I am not ready yet for the new me I want to be for the new year.” This can cause us to feel the need to take big steps of change, something like a full court shot or a touchdown throw. When we are pressed for time, we may try to cut corners of the full teshuvah process, and miss out on some of the key steps to change.
When planning an attack in real war, the generals know that there are certain strategies that work and others that do not. If your Air Force flies high over the enemy, they will be identified and shot down. If, however, you have your planes fly low, they will be less easy to spot, and they will be in a better position to overcome the enemy. Similarly, when we try to make massive change, the negative tendencies built into ourselves see this as an attack, and they know how to counter it. But if it is small change, they do not perceive this as an attack – and even manage to get used to the change.
This approach is implicit in the famous parable in the Midrash which deals with the concept of teshuvah, and the foolishness of people who are afraid to escape their sinful habits (Koheleth Raba 7). A group of thieves in prison start digging secretly until they are able to tunnel out an escape route. They all escape except for one of the thieves who stays behind. When the prison guard comes around for inspection, and sees how all but one member of the group escaped, he gives the straggler a beating while yelling: Fool! How did you forgo an opportunity to escape and save your life!?
Now, we might ask: Why does the Midrash compare doing teshuvah to digging a secret escape tunnel? Why not breaking down the door, picking the lock, or something less demanding?
The answer is that real teshuvah is not a frontal attack against our past behavior. Rather, it is a procedure of one small step at a time. We must do it patiently, and dig away at our negative priorities and beliefs. This is teshuvah. This is change. There is no shortcut or front door.
The fact that we have lots of work ahead of us this Elul should not cause us to feel discouraged. One reason for that is a vitally important insight of the Mabit in his Beit Elokim (Shaar HaTeshuvah, Ch. 12). He notes that there is a major difference between the mitzvah of teshuvah and other mitzvoth. Take, for example, the mitzvah of tzitzit. With strings only on three corners of our garment – instead of four – it is not as if we have fulfilled three-fourths of the mitzvah. We have accomplished nothing. In contrast, if we take only one of the 24 steps of teshuvah spelled out in Rabeinu Yonah’s Sha’arei Teshuvah, we have fulfilled a part of the mitzvah of teshuvah. It’s not “all or nothing.”
Another important insight which can help us this Elul is that of RabbiYisrael Salanter (Ohr Yisrael, Igeret8). R’ Yisrael first draws on the Rambam: “Everyone has merits and sins. The person who has a majority of merits is a tzaddik, and the person who has a majority of sins is a rasha (evildoer). This scale of measurement is not according to the amount of merit or sin. Some sins are very heavy, and just a few of these outweigh a great number of merits. Similarly, certain merits outweigh a much larger number of sins. The weighing is done with G-d’s judgment alone, and only He knows the weight of each merit and sin.” (Hilchot Teshuvah, Chapter 3)
Although the Rambam does not tell us how to measure our merits or sins, R’ Yisrael points out that one way to know the weight of a mitzvah or sin is by how hard or easy it is for us to fulfill it or refrain from doing it. The same sin is considered much “weightier” when it would have been easy to refrain from. And the same mitzvah is considered “weightier” when it was hard to fulfill. R’ Yisrael therefore writes that if one is capable of finding those sins that are actually easier for him to refrain from, and do teshuvah on them, this may very well help significantly in lightening the side of sin on the balance scale.
This is very useful information for preparing ourselves for the Day of Judgment. It means, for example, that if we cannot stop speaking lashon hara totally, we can at least stop ourselves when it is easy for us to refrain. If we cannot stop ourselves from not learning Torah when it is hard or difficult, at least let us learn Torah when it is easier or learn lighter subjects. If we cannot stop ourselves from getting angry every time we are provoked, maybe we can at least eliminate all the times when we are capable of some sort self-control.
And we can rest assured that if we start with that which is easy, then that which is hard will be more easily within our reach.
SYSTEM OF VALUES
The Talmud gives us an example of when a sinner can be considered a genuine Baal Teshuvah (penitent): If he refrains from sinning a second time when he encounters the same woman at the same place and time where he had previously sinned (Yoma 86b).
This is a rather puzzling test. Must a Baal Teshuvah actually return to the same place and the same temptation in order to prove his sincerity? Even more puzzling is the Talmud’s mention of going back to the time of the sin. How can the penitent possibly accomplish this?
The Kli Yakar helps us understand what the Sages mean by drawing our attention to two key pssukim in our parashah: “For this mitzvah is not in the heavens…nor across the sea that you may say: ‘Who will cross the sea and get it for us so that we can fulfill it?’ Rather, it is very close to you; it is in your mouth and heart to do it”(Dvarim 30:12-13). In other words, one must not be afraid to do teshuvah because he might not withstand the tests that lie ahead. Neither does he need to go to the far ends of the world – to the scene of sin – in order to prove that he will not sin again. Rather, the place of the sin is in the heart. Intense regret can return one to the place and time of sin in order to uproot it. Pain and positive regret can change the heart. They can transform past failure into lessons for the present and future. Change in perception on the part of the Baal Teshuvah ultimately result in change of behavior and character. And that is how we are judged on Rosh HaShanah. G-d sees our present state, and how it will result in positive change in the future. What happened in the past does not determine the ultimate verdict. What is decisive is our character and our “re-programmed” heart as we stand before the Supreme Judge on Rosh HaShanah.
We find a precedent for this approach in G-d’s response to Yishmael’s prayer when he and his mother Hagar seemed to have run out of water in the desert. When Yishmael felt himself close to dying of thirst, he turned to G-d and cried out for mercy. G-d was about to create a spring of water when the angels tried to intervene: How can You bring water to the boy whose future descendents will kill Your children through thirst? G-d responded: What is Yishmael at present – a tzaddik or rasha? Tzaddik! He is to be judged as he is now – באשר הוא שם” ”
Why is this? Because a person’s essence is what is in his mind and heart at the present moment.
This concept can help us understand a curious request we make of G-d numerous times during this High Holiday season: בספר צדיקים וחסידים כתבנו – Inscribe us in the Book of the Righteous and Pious. The question is obvious. If we are righteous, we need not ask. If we are not, why would imploring G-d get us into the Book where we do not belong? How are we to understand such a request?
Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzatto explains how teshuvah works. When the thought of pleasure and willingness is removed from the sin, then the sin itself is erased and nullified (Messilat Yesharim Ch. 4). Sin is generated by an evil thought. When we oppose inner negative motives mentally and emotionally, G-d is willing to see us as different people. Although we may have sinned throughout the year, sincere thoughts of teshuvah can enable us to stand before G-d on Rosh Hashanah and say: “I now perceive all that pleasure I derived from the sin as pain. I do not want to continue such actions. I am not the sinful “I” of yesterday. And I am not the “I” of tomorrow, where I might fail another test. Right now, I am a better person – the ” I” I really want to be”
There is a midrash that can help us in becoming that person we really want to be (Midrash Aseret Hadibrot on לא תגזול). King Solomon was once approached by three merchants who suspected each other of pocketing the profits from their successful business trip. King Solomon replied that he would be willing to judge the case the following day. When the three merchants re-assembled, he told them about a query sent to him by the Roman Emperor involving a boy and girl who had promised to marry when they came of age. They stipulated that in case either one would decide to marry someone else, they would first ask permission of the other party. Time passed, and the young woman found a suitable man whom she liked very much. True to her word, she took her fiancé to the door of the man she once promised to marry in order to get his permission. The man kindly accepted the woman’s decision and refused the handsome present of gold and precious stones that the groom had brought along to appease him. With real sincerity, he wished the young couple a happy life together. On the way home, unfortunately, the pair was captured by a ruthless band of thieves. The booty was split between them, and the young bride was taken to the leader of the gang. She implored him to hear her story. The head of the thieves somehow found it in his heart to be merciful, and returned the bride to the groom – together with all the gold and precious stones.
King Solomon turned to the three merchants, and asked them to help decide the question sent by the Emperor: Which of the three acted most nobly – the woman who kept the promise of her youth, the man who both gave permission for her to marry someone else and refused the lavish present, or the head of the thieves who could have had both the money and the bride had his mercy not gotten the better of him?
Each one voiced a different opinion, but King Solomon commanded that the one who praised the thief be tied up and whipped. If he praised the thief who had no legal rights to the bride or valuables, then he must be a thief himself! And, of course, the man confessed.
As King Solomon wrote in the Book of Proverbs: “…a man is according to what he praises” (Mishlei 27:21). If we praise good deeds, then that is who we are. If we ask to be inscribed in the Book of the Righteous, it means that we really want to be righteous. And if we are sincere, that is how we are perceived by G-d as well. כן יהי רצון
