english – KI TAVO 2013

     I LOVE (THAT) NEW YORK(ER)

I was coaching someone in his office in New York. He said that business has been slow for the last four years. He has not been learning Torah or praying in Minyan for a while. He has six kids and feels like a bad father, and “harmony at home” turned into something more like rock music. I asked him what bothered him the most out of the three problems. When he answered me, he offered his own take on the root of his troubles: religion. That was the reason for all three problems. He explained himself. He said that recently he had sinned a lot; he has become less spiritual, and he believes that G-d is out to get him. G-d does not love him anymore. “I deserve punishment, and G-d gave up on me.”

Wow. A simple question from a coach, and the Jew sitting in front of me peeled himself down like an onion. In just four minutes. He did not want to spend more time speaking about the subject. I asked him what happens to him when he thinks this way? Does he change for better, or just feel worse? He kept quiet.

Let’s get this straight. No matter what, G-d loves His children. The first words we say about G-d’s Thirteen Attributes is ה’ ה’ – Hashem does not change his love towards us one iota from before our sin to after our sin. The reason why someone might think that G-d does not love us is because of the punishment one gets after sinning. We tend to think that if G-d tells us in His Torah, as He does in this week’s parasha, all the bad things that those who do not follow His Torah will suffer, that He is “stalking” us, ready to throw lightning bolts of pain and suffering at us. Far from the truth. G-d, in His Torah, is not trying to scare us, but to warn us that this is the way of the world. Fire burns, water evaporates and sin takes its toll. It is the way of the world, a reality, and He, our Father, is simply warning us not to cross the street blindfolded. His love for us, however, remains, and always will be, non negotiable.

The guy in the office in New York is not alone in the way he feels. Many people have mixed emotions about whether or not, and how much, G-d is on their side. On Elul, we wake up to Selihot. We start by saying לך ה’ הצדקה ולנו בושת הפנים. To You, Hashem, is the righteousness, and to us is the shame… G-d will never and has never been “out to get” anyone. He does not have favorites. It is just not His way. He loves all of His children. And He loves them more than anyone can possibly imagine. More than a parent loves a child, and more than any other type of love. Much more. When things go wrong in life, and one tries to check his score with G-d, seeing how bad he behaved and if this is really the punishment that he deserved, then he is out of reality. G-d is always righteous . And always loving.

We pray in Amidah סלח לנו אבינו כי חטאנו forgive us our Father, for we have sinned. We say, after the Amidah, the words of King David למען שמך ה’ וסלחת לעוני כי רב הוא  For your Name’s sake, Hashem, may you forgive my sin, for it is great. And we, the Sefardim, chant in Selihot חטאנו לפניך רחם עלינו  We have sinned before You; have mercy on us. How odd. Why would anyone forgive because he was sinned against? Why would any King have mercy,  because His people sinned? And why should the greatness of the sin be a reason for it to be forgiven?

I hope that fellow in New York is reading this, because it might change his life. G-d’s Name is how we refer to Him and the way He portrays Himself to the Universe. Generally speaking, a name is not an only an identity. It is even closer to the person than identity. It is the person. The first of the Thirteen Attributes is that G-d will always love you. That His Name is solid. You can’t budge it.  For your Name’s sake, Hashem, may you forgive my sin, for it is great. The greater the sin, the more He shows that you can’t budge Him. He can still find in His love a place to forgive and overlook things after we repent. Forgive us our father, for we have sinned… Forgive us, our Father, because we recognize that we have sinned. One does not ask for forgiveness when he has wronged someone else for one of two reasons: Either the one who perpetrated the wrongdoing believes it was not so bad… or,  he feels that what he did was so serious   that the one whom he wronged will be unable to grant him forgiveness. Our approach to G-d, in asking for forgiveness, is – that we admit and recognize that the sin was so great that any other would not be able to forgive. Only G-d can forgive such sin, and by doing so, His Name will be sanctified. So, in Selichot, the Sefardim sing that we have sinned, because we know that G-d is the Greatest Forgiver, and it is to Him that we have sinned.

This thought suddenly popped into my head, while writing this article. A certain teenage boy was caught pick pocketing. The sirens went on in the store as he tried to walk out, and the police pulled right up and handcuffed the kid. He was brought to a judge. Trembling, he looked up to see who the judge was. The judge was actually his Father. His Father looked down at his trembling son and said, Son, just empty your pockets and go home. Is there a father who loves more than such a Father? Other fathers may take this personally: My son, a pickpocket? I’ll teach him a lesson!  But not אבינו מלכנו  Our Father, our King.

This is what Tashlich is all about. We come, red handed, to the Day of Judgement, and G-d says,  “No problem. Just empty out your pockets.”  And then we say, standing at the water, מי א-ל כמוך נושא עוון Who is like You, G-d, who bears the weight of sin…?

G-d is never the one to be “out to get” us… He is always אלול  – אני לדודי ודודי לי  I am to my Loved One And my Loved One is to me.

SMALL CHANGE

In the days of Elul, everyone claims that they want to change. Change is scary because it involves struggle. It means acknowledging that the way I presently think or feel or perceive is flawed. It means that every day I have to stick to the new commitment that took me only a few moments to make. All this takes time. Something like forty days. Welcome to Elul!

As Rosh HaShanah approaches, many of us have the unfortunate feeling that “I am not ready yet for the new me I want to be for the new year.” This can cause us to feel the need to take big steps of change, something like a full court shot or a touchdown throw. When we are pressed for time, we may try to cut corners of the full teshuvah process, and miss out on some of the key steps to change.

When planning an attack in real war, the generals know that there are certain strategies that work and others that do not. If your Air Force flies high over the enemy, they will be identified and shot down. If, however, you have your planes fly low, they will be less easy to spot, and they will be in a better position to overcome the enemy. Similarly, when we try to make massive change, the negative tendencies built into ourselves see this as an attack, and they know how to counter it. But if it is small change, they do not perceive this as an attack – and even manage to get used to the change.

This approach is implicit in the famous parable in the Midrash which deals with the concept of teshuvah, and the foolishness of people who are afraid to escape their sinful habits (Koheleth Raba 7). A group of thieves in prison start digging secretly until they are able to tunnel out an escape route. They all escape except for one of the thieves who stays behind. When the prison guard comes around for inspection, and sees how all but one member of the group escaped, he gives the straggler a beating while yelling: Fool! How did you forgo an opportunity to escape and save your life!?

Now, we might ask: Why does the Midrash compare doing teshuvah to digging a secret escape tunnel?  Why not breaking down the door, picking the lock, or something less demanding?

The answer is that real teshuvah is not a frontal attack against our past behavior. Rather, it is a procedure of one small step at a time. We must do it patiently, and dig away at our negative priorities and beliefs. This is teshuvah. This is change. There is no shortcut or front door.

The fact that we have lots of work ahead of us this Elul should not cause us to feel discouraged. One reason for that is a vitally important insight of the Mabit in his Beit Elokim (Shaar HaTeshuvah, Ch. 12). He notes that there is a major difference between the mitzvah of teshuvah and other mitzvoth. Take, for example, the mitzvah of tzitzit. With strings only on three corners of our garment – instead of four – it is not as if we have fulfilled three-fourths of the mitzvah. We have accomplished nothing. In contrast, if we take only one of the 24 steps of teshuvah spelled out in Rabeinu Yonah’s Sha’arei Teshuvah, we have fulfilled a part of the mitzvah of teshuvah. It’s not “all or nothing.”

Another important insight which can help us this Elul is that of RabbiYisrael Salanter (Ohr Yisrael, Igeret8). R’ Yisrael first draws on the Rambam: “Everyone has merits and sins. The person who has a majority of merits is a tzaddik, and the person who has a majority of sins is a rasha (evildoer). This scale of measurement is not according to the amount of merit or sin. Some sins are very heavy, and just a few of these outweigh a great number of merits. Similarly, certain merits outweigh a much larger number of sins. The weighing is done with G-d’s judgment alone, and only He knows the weight of each merit and sin.” (Hilchot Teshuvah, Chapter 3)

Although the Rambam does not tell us how to measure our merits or sins, R’ Yisrael points out that one way to know the weight of a mitzvah or sin is by how hard or easy it is for us to fulfill it or refrain from doing it. The same sin is considered much “weightier” when it would have been easy to refrain from. And the same mitzvah is considered “weightier” when it was hard to fulfill. R’ Yisrael therefore writes that if one is capable of finding those sins that are actually easier for him to refrain from, and do teshuvah on them, this may very well help significantly in lightening the side of sin on the balance scale.

This is very useful information for preparing ourselves for the Day of Judgment. It means, for example, that if we cannot stop speaking lashon hara totally, we can at least stop ourselves when it is easy for us to refrain. If we cannot stop ourselves from not learning Torah when it is hard or difficult, at least let us learn Torah when it is easier or learn lighter subjects. If we cannot stop ourselves from getting angry every time we are provoked, maybe we can at least eliminate all the times when we are capable of some sort self-control.

And we can rest assured that if we start with that which is easy, then that which is hard will be more easily within our reach.

SYSTEM OF VALUES