VAYESHEV 2013 english
AN UNSETTLING THOUGHT
Life can be extremely frustrating. Or, if you wish, extremely fascinating. Depends on how positively you perceive things. As a coach, I do not waste time watching movies, and not only for religious reasons. I watch real-life movies. If one wastes his time watching those fake films, he misses out on the real ones. The real-life movies are much more fascinating; each one, an original script by G-d. The greatest pleasure of life coaching is the ability to watch peoples’ lives unfold. Being there for people as they bravely face their challenges and limitations, while their life goals, their hopes and dreams, are successfully achieved.
One of the elements of happiness is exactly this – this worldview of “the movies”. The ability to look at life as a journey, an adventure. It is an amazing plot that unfolds, an emotional plot. Tears and joy. Failure and success. There is no greater movie, no better plot, than your own life story. Forgive me for bringing an example from the movies. I just could not find a better parallel for life. The only difference is that in your life movie, G-d writes the script, and He makes you the producer.
Unfortunately, the life perspectives of the movie producers in California have an insidious impact on the subconscious decisions of the generation. Unfortunately, it is those perspectives that, in too many cases, set the dreams of the generation. Unfortunately, they also set the definition of what happiness is and how it is attained, these empty values being responsible for probably the greatest damage done by movies. They tell us and told us about the old American dream. The goal in life is to be settled. This is the greatest lie ever. For even those who achieve this settled state in life have not yet achieved happiness. G-d did not make us with this goal in mind; that is not the purpose for which G-d created the world. G-d’s universal script is, No one settles here. No one knows where he is going in life, until he has one foot in the grave: a great lesson for humility. Sorry for getting deep. But the way to find happiness is to uncover the deeper perspective. When life is an adventure, that is where the fun is. That is where the happiness is. Life, and happiness in life, is not about being at the destination. It is about getting there. Happiness is the journey, not the destination. This, I believe, is what the Orchot Tzaddikim is referring to when he says that the core elements of happiness are Faith, Trust in G-d, Contentment and Intelligence. Faith in G-d would mean the belief that life is all a script written by G-d. Trust would mean, trusting Him that He cares for you in His Divine Story Line, and that everything somehow works out for the best. Everything somehow, sometime and somewhere, will make sense.
This is a new explanation of what we say in Hallel. זה היום עשה ה’ נגילה ונשמחה בו This is the day that G-d made: let us rejoice and find happiness in Him. If you want to find happiness, if you are looking for a reason to rejoice, THIS IS THE DAY. Not tomorrow. Not coming to terms with yesterday. Try this. Close your eyes and go back to when you remember having had a great time in life. The time when you were really happy. Were you then in the future? Were you then in the past? I’ll bet that in your happy times, you were in the Now. Just enjoying the good time you were having. Being there. If you want to have those good times again, all you have to do is to get into the Now again, being aware of what you feel, see, and hear Today. And, you may just be able to find that the happiest day of your life is actually today. That in today, you can see how G-d is writing your script, and it can sometimes make you laugh, sometimes make you cry. But the tear that you shed can be from a happy place in your heart, when you know that it is all just an amazing script – one that leaves you guessing, but leaves you without a clue as to how it will all turn out. So, sing with King David , Let us rejoice and find happiness in Him! Because, He made today today.
Our parasha starts וישב יעקב …ביקש יעקב לישב בשלוה קפץ עליו רגזו של יוסף . Yaakov settled … Our rabbis tell us, Yaakov sought to dwell in tranquility, and just at that moment, he was confronted by the tragedy of Yosef… the news that Yosef had been killed. We, of course, know that Yaakov was not looking for a materialistic life, or for the American dream. His whole life was about learning Torah and establishing the 12 Tribes. All he wanted, after his life of constant tribulation, was to settle down. To be next to his father, Yitzhak, and to honor him in peace and quiet. He sought peace of mind so that he could learn Torah and be the Father of the Tribes. How could it be that for this, Yaakov deserved such an extreme punishment, the heartbreak of losing his son?
The answer is, I believe, that this was not at all a punishment. It is the way of the world. Forget about being settled. All you can possibly do is go through the motions of settling down, but you are never really settled, for you do not know what G-d has in store for you in your life’s script. If Yaakov had not sought to settle down, he would not have gotten so frustrated about not being able to accomplish what was, in fact, a “mission impossible”. He would have been no more upset about this unexpectedly unfortunate turn of events than he had been at the other frustrating challenges he had gone through in his life. He might not have lost his Ruach Hakodesh.
Some of the happiest people around have very few things in life. They are the greatest antonym to the word settled. They seem to find their happiness in being on a journey; they find happiness and excitement in the fascinating unexpected. One homeless, not observant man that I used to meet would somehow stay happy, often telling me, “I always imagine that somewhere, I have a dream house. Somewhere, I have a clean and neat bed and a full refrigerator. In the meantime, I am just traveling. I did not get home yet.” This is very similar to the צדיק ורע לו , the righteous person who has no rest in this world, but finds happiness in the thought that he has a peaceful, trouble-free, restful place waiting for him in the World to Come. In the meantime, he is just on a journey, and he is finding his happiness in the voyage called life.
THE MAN IN THE WINDOW
Six years back, I was walking out of the Argentinian Shabbat minyan in Bayit Vegan, Jerusalem, after the morning prayers, when I heard my name called out in a strong Spanish accent. I turned around to see someone running after me, someone whom I had never made acquaintance. I kept on walking, but more slowly. This fellow caught up to me, and asked, “Are you related to Yosef Shabtai Farhi?” I told him that I had no idea, though my father once told me that most Farhis are related. This fellow, about twenty eight years old, was a collector of old books. He had found a book written by Yosef Shabtai Farhi in a rare ancient book sale in Buenos Aires. The book was (and looked) about 100 years old, and bore the name תקפו של יוסף . This book was written in a time where in Sephardic countries, the European Enlightenment, Reform and Conservative thinking, started to be the “in thing”. The author writes the entire story of Yosef according to all the midrashim, with all the emotions in story style, all in a beautiful rhyme. I read it with passion; it moved me to tears. In the introduction, the author writes that the reason he wrote such a book was for the teens of his generation that were faced with the new temptations of intermarriage. They, and I believe all of us as well, should learn from Yosef how to stand strong in the face of the trials and challenges the “new era exile” may bring. When we want to know how we can stand strong in the face of temptation, we can learn from Yosef, who provided us with the perfect model. Each word is a gold mine.
In the Talmud Sotah (36b), we find the following quote: “At that moment (when Yosef was at the height of his test with the wife of Potifar and about to sin), Yosef’s father’s “reflection” appeared in the window. He (the visage) said to him, Yosef! Soon, your brothers will be written on the garments of the High Priest and your name will be among them. Do you want your name to be erased to be called an “agent of harlots”?
We must ask ourselves, who cares where in the bedroom of his master’s wife in Egypt Yosef saw his father’s reflection? What difference does it make if it was seen at the top of the bed or in the window?
The answer is amazing. Our rabbis tell us that Yosef had the exact facial appearance of his father,Yaakov. We can feel safe to say, then, that Yosef did not see his father’s face: he saw his own reflection in the mirror! He saw himself as he would be in the future. He saw what he could become. He saw that he could become like his father. He saw that his name could be written on the holy breastplate – and this is what G-d showed him in the window.
The reason why Yosef merited this “wake up call” was not without a firm base. The Midrash Rabba tells us that the following is how Yosef refused Potifar’s wife: “G-d regularly comes and chooses from the members of my family, from the best of them, someone to be brought up as an Olah sacrifice (Yitzhak). He regularly comes and reveals Himself in prophesy in the middle of the night. If I listen to you and sleep with you, G-d might come to me in the middle of the night and find me impure.”
This is the way, and the only way, a person can endure temptation. He must look ahead at what he could be, and see that this temptation will stop him from getting to his rightful destination. This lesson can be learnt from just one word that jumps out at us here in the Midrash. Every word is a gold mine. And every one of us is a gold mine, as well.
SUCCESSFUL DEAD
I know that this title will catch people’s attention. But that is not why I chose it. I chose it because there are many ways that people understand what success is .When everyone in the shul says in Hallel, אנא ה’ הושיעה נא , אנא ה’ הצליחה נא “Please, G-d, give us salvation quickly; please, G-d, make us successful quickly,” there are different things going through the different minds of the worshipers. Some people, of course, are not even thinking about what they are saying. But even the ones who are, have different definitions of success.
There was a Kollel Avreich that I was coaching who found himself successful in a certain business field. He felt that if he was making money, then this must have been what G-d wanted him to do with his life. When people are making money, or when they are becoming famous, it is common for them to feel that this is G-d’s will. After all, they reason, had He not desired this outcome, they would not have achieved their success. But this is very wrong. The Hovot Halevavot makes this very clear. In many instances where G-d makes a person rich, his wealth is not a blessing. It is a test. So it turns out that from a Torah perspective, making money is not at all the definition of being successful. Some hope that they can “make it”, “get to the Hall of Fame”; but this is similar to the case of the rich: that they are not being “successful”, but, rather, being put to the test. If you notice, in all the prayers we make, we almost never ask G-d to make us rich and famous. Such a request can be made only in a personal, voluntary prayer that we may add in שמע קולנו . This is because, for most people, being rich and being famous are not always blessings – or even at all good for them. On the contrary, it takes them away from what our religion considers to be real success. There is only one success in our religion: sanctifying G-d’s Name at all times. To “be” – to live and to dieעל קידוש השם . It is easy to forget this all-important goal when thinking about “making it big”. And the only time it is acceptable to ask to become rich, to ask G-d that we become well-known or acclaimed, is when we want to use that wealth or fame to make us attain a greater degree in being מקדש שם שמים . And, the intent behind the person’s prayer becomes very clear through his expression of thanks, if his prayers are answered. What does he say? “I was successful,” or “G-d granted me success”?
This reminds me of a personal story that I had with my Rosh Yeshiva, R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel , zt”l. This story actually sheds light on R’ Nosson Tzvi, what he was all about, and how he ran the Yeshivas Mir, the biggest yeshiva in the world. It was about six years ago when I heard of a prominent community member, also a family friend, who got into big financial trouble. As this person donated appreciable sums to important funds in Israel, I asked if the Yeshiva could say Tehillim for his success – specifically for his ישועה. The Rosh Yeshiva told me, “We do not know how things will turn out. We should daven only that Kiddush Hashem be the result, and not חס ושלום , a Chillul Hashem.” At the time, I did not realize what he meant. Now, I do. I realize that all of our Tefillot are in essence not for what we consider success or salvation. Not that the sick feel better. Not that the poor have sustenance. Not even that we learn Torah with more fervor. Even though this is what we actually ask in our prayers, still, that is not the essence of prayer. Money comes, and money goes. People come, and people go. But the כבוד שמים is always at stake, either a Kiddush Hashem or a Chillul Hashem. The essence of prayer, all prayer, is to be ,מקדש שם שמים and in all our supplications, we are actually asking that there be a Kiddush Hashem. We ask for specific things, for when Hashem hears our Tefillot, when He answers our prayers, there is a Kiddush Hashem, because we prayed to Him, and then He granted our requests. And then, we attribute the “success” to Him. This is how we end the first blessing of the Amidah. למען שמו באהבה – not for us , but for Him. We are even willing to die for Him, (one of the כוונות that we are supposed to have in saying those words) and that would be our success, because that is what we are all about. Although we might know this, we tend not to lead our lives according to this principle.
The Talmud in Sotah (10) says, Yosef that sanctified G-d’s Name in private, by withstanding his test with Potifar’s wife, merited having the letterה’ from G-d’s Name added to his – עדות ביהוסף שמו . Yehuda, who sanctified G-d’s Name in public, merited having his whole name the Name of G-d. Since he admitted that Tamar became pregnant from him, the Heavenly Voice said, “You saved Tamar and her two boys; I will save חנניה מישאל ועזריה from the fire of Nebuchadnezzar.” We see from here that the way to be מקדש שם שמים is by doing everything we do and living our lives the way G-d asks of us. And there is a difference as to whether our actions are in public or in private. We forget that living the way we are supposed to, with every challenge we face, is in essence putting שם שמים on the table. Our every act is either aקידוש ה’ or a חילול ה’. And we find that Yosef, was the only one in the Torah to be called successful, וַיְהִי ה’ אֶת יוסף ויהי איש מצליח–When? When he was inthe house of Potifar, working as a slave. Why? Because ויהי ה’ את יוסף G-d was with Yosef. Yosef was able to make a Kiddush hashem, despite the unenviable position in which he found himself. The position was irrelevant to success; the end result – sanctification of G-d’s Name – defined it!
The Tzafnat Paneach writes that the mitzvah of lighting the Chanuka candles is a double mitzvah. There is a commemoration of the miracle of the oil. And, we light the candles outside, in public, to commemorate the miraculous victory. This פרסומי ניסא, lighting outside, is taken very seriously in the Charedi homes in Israel and is to be done in the best possible way. People are particular as to when to light and where to light. This is not being fanatic. This is the whole mitzvah of Chanuka. It is showing that the victory was not just a victory at war. It was a victory of sanctifying His Name. ואתה עשית שם גדול וקדוש בעולמך …
Shabbat Shalom, Yosef Farhi
rabbiyoseffarhi@gmail.com 0527679186
IN LOVING MEMORY OF SHMUEL BEN RACHEL HAKOHEN A”H
