ENGLISH YITRO

 AN ELECTRIFYING THOUGHT

But, I felt that there was something deeper. Something that is behind the wants and at the root of all motivation. There is a word that we sometimes say backhandedly. It is a big word, but I was hesitant to write about it, because once you go deeper than the surface in this field, people start to feel that you are a mystic, or something. The big word is energy. To have a want means to have energy to want. To have motivation means to have the energy for motivation. Energy here does not mean muscles, but rather, an inner strength or energy. This energy is the greatest resource of the successful. Did you ever notice that when you meet certain people, stay in their company, even briefly, and then walk away, you feel that you have energy, light, and are optimistic about things? Have you noticed that there are other people who affect you in the opposite way: when you walk away from them, you feel that your energy has been sapped, and you are left with no strength to do the things that need to be done? Certain people have energy and give it to others. And certain people lack energy and take it away from you when you meet them.

Imagine, for a minute, that  someone has the secret of how you can tap into your inner self and create such energy. And right now, he is going to reveal that secret to you. Well, I am going to reveal it to you , but just hold on, and don’t get turned off by the “mystics”.

Humans have countless thoughts throughout the day; they come and go so fast that we do not even notice many of them.  Thoughts are usually pictures or words of past memories or imagination of the future. The words and pictures going through someone’s mind will create his feelings, energy and lack of it. People with more energy are people with more “light” in life. People who lack energy are people who have a “dark self”.  The people who are light are people who can get up and do things, don’t hold a grudge, are optimistic, easy to get along with … The “dark” people are those who are not easy to get along with, are pessimistic, hold a grudge, can’t get up and do things… The thoughts, the pictures and words going through the mind of a person are what make a person “light” or “dark”.  If one thinks words or pictures that are positive, he or she will be light. Positive words that go through the mind are – blessed, happy, peaceful, successful, generous, abundant, easy, fun, cheerful, delighted, love, thank, appreciate, energetic… ( Tip: Many words we say in our prayers are “light” words – blessed, salvation, great, kind, trust, praise etc . If we would think and feel what we say in our prayers, we would have more “light” in life, more energy.)  The words that are dark words are cursed, upset, miserable, fight, fear, failed, defeated, tired, stingy, poor, difficult, sad, bored, not happy, hate, ungrateful, depressed…  Just reading the lists, you might feel something,  a feeling that is either a light, energetic feeling by the first list, or a dark, depressing feeling by the second.  (I still remember one of my best friends in a top Yeshiva: he was a “top guy in learning”, and also one of my study partners. He befriended a person who was full of “dark” words and thoughts. Not long after, he stopped showing up to the Beit Midrash, stopped wanting to eat, learn or do anything  – except hang out with that negative guy. They did nothing except talk about subjects that were negative. The results, “Ich hub nisht ken koach” –I  just do not have the energy to come to learn. It didn’t make sense, such a thing happening to such a guy; but it happened.)

Many people have both dark and light thoughts going on inside, feelings that cause one to feel happy and feelings that make one depressed, something many call “mood”.  But the mood depends on the words and pictures, and that is something that a person can control, adding positive language to his lexicon. He can start changing around words that he says to himself in his head or pictures that he thinks. He will then start picking up a lighter self, and then he will find a lot more motivation in life. He won’t be so tired or “moody”. (This is also the “secret power” of a life coach. The language of a life coach is full of words that give power –  goals, options, resources, dream, picture, “would like things to look..”, positive, solutions  etc.  And the life coach uses questions to get these words into the other person’s thinking pattern. )

King David said something we say every Thursday-  לא יהיה בך אל זר  Do not have in you a foreign god (Tehillim 81, 10) . Our Rabbis tell us (Shabbat 105b) that this foreign god is none other than the Evil Inclination. This is interesting, when we think about it. It is also hard to understand. Especially, because one of the things that we say in Kriyat Shema is to love G-d בכל לבבך  with our Yetzer Tov and Yetzer Hara (see last Mishna in Berachot). How can we understand that the Evil Inclination is like an idol or a foreign god, a “god” that we are to use to serve G-d?

The Tiferet Yisrael (on the last Mishna in Berachot) says something interesting. The Yetzer Hara is not exactly an advisor to do evil, and the Yetzer Hatov is not exactly an advisor to do good.  Rather, the Yetzer Hara is the dark side of man, and the Yetzer Hatov is the light side of man. The Yetzer Hara is what holds a person back from doing things, saps his energy, and the Yetzer Hatov is what gives a person energy and motivation. The Yetzer Hara should be used to hold one back from doing the לא תעשה  negative commandments, and the Yetzer Hatov should be used for the עשה , the positive commandments. They “advise”,  through the words and pictures that go through a person’s mind, to be light – or dark and heavy.(see Tiferet Yisrael inside.)

When I come home and my wife needs help, I can either serve her or serve myself. There is no “not serving” state a person can be in. If I do not change the baby’s diaper, I am not serving the baby, but I am serving myself. More precisely, I am serving the dark side of me that says –  push things off, procrastinate, just “chill” and the smell just might go away. This is like a god inside a person that says, “Do not serve anyone else except your evil thoughts.”   And these thoughts that are dark and heavy are no different from a god, because we serve these thoughts. The only time when we listen to these ideas and it is not like serving them as a god is when we hold ourselves back from doing things that G-d does not want us to do. Then, we are serving G-d with the “dark part of me”.

I thought that idol worship did not exist. I thought that the second and third commandments do not pertain to us. But after this thought, it looks as if idol worship- depression- is the most rampant scourge of the generation.

PERSPECTIVES OF WEALTH

Workaholics devote no thought to the minimum they need in order to get by each month.  Estimating a realistic sum and trying to reach it through jobs one can do eliminates stress.  Knowing the basic sum needed for personal and family needs, replaces the stress a person has from undefined goals with positive energy. Stress comes when one is looking forward to an unclear desire to ” make it big.”

There is a whole world of people who like to believe that this question of how much they need is insignificant. Their reason for going to work is not to support their needs. It is to see “how much I am worth.”  This is, in essence, ridiculous. You are not worth how much you make.

This reminds me of the question that I heard being asked amongst my friends in high school who wished they would be working instead of studying in Yeshiva. The Mishna in Avot (ch. 4) asks, Who is rich? One who is happy with his lot.. My friend commented – but I do not want to be happy. I want to be rich!

Everyone laughed. I gave it some thought. The underlying question that was asked is how did the answer complement the question? The question was “who is rich?” If someone were to approach us off the street and ask what person is considered rich, our minds would search our memory for the richest people we know or knew. We would not say, “the person with an average salary, who is happy with his lot.”  So, what is this Mishna teaching us?

Rashi on the Mishna writes: There is no difference between a rich man who is troubled, looking for more and the poor man, who really does not have anything, and is also looking for more.- Wealth is a perspective.  There is no way to measure it. 

In our parasha Yitro suggested to his son-in–law, Moshe Rabbeinu, that he find men of caliber to aid him in judging the nation. And you should look with your Ruach Hakodesh amongst all the nation for men of valor, G-d fearing and men of truth, people who hate “gain” (money of others and their own money; see M. Tanchuma and Mechilta ) and place them responsible … Moshe, however, was only able to find men of valor, knowledgeable and well known people (see Devarim 1;15) . Rashi defines men of valor as people who are rich and do not care about flattering others or trying to find favor in their eyes. The Talmud states in Sanhedrin that there are seven qualities we look for in the candidate for a judge: four mentioned by Yitro, and the three mentioned in Devarim. The more of these traits one has, the more he is worthy to be a judge. Moshe, however, could find only four.

The question is obvious. How could it be that amongst such great people of the generation who received the Torah there was no one who hated money? Even today, we know of great people who sacrificed a great deal of money for good causes, or in order to lead a proper way of life. One of the traits that the Rambam lists as requiring repentance is that of running after money. This makes it sound as if there are people who can and have perfected themselves and transcended this desire for riches. How, then, did Moshe not find such a person, especially in the generation who had their sustenance taken care of for them (Manna) and were laden with the spoils of Egypt?

The answer here is a lesson for life, and a lesson we all should think about. Some things in human behavior or in the principles governing it do and must exist. You cannot break them. If you try to break them, then they break you! One of these basic, immutable principals is the great value human beings place on money, and the deep inner recognition of its importance. The Chovot Halevovot writes in Shaar Habechina  one of the ways to recognize the Supreme wisdom of G-d and His Kindness is to note that all the humans of the world agree to give value to gold and silver, to use it for trade and to try to gather as much of it as they can. This is the Mercy of G-d. Even though gold and silver in and of themselves do not bring any gain to a person, and they will not fill his needs – neither nutrition nor medicinal….  Why then do people value these two natural elements? This is out of G-d’s kindness, in order that trade and commerce be able to flourish among humanity.

Valuing money (not running after it but valuing it) is an inborn human trait, beginning with life itself. And this is why Moshe did not find anyone who did not value money. No one hates money. People may value religion, as expressed in keeping Shabbat, more than money. Or, they can love their family life and family time more than they do their money. They can even love honor more than money. But, when all is said and done, everyone values money.

When the Rambam says that one must do teshuva for the bad trait of running after money, this means valuing money more than the values of life: spirituality, stress- free life, family life, self dignity. If a person is not careful to keep his love of money in proportion, this love becomes addictive. Workaholics want to get to an infinite amount of money. There is no end. A certain recipe for frustration is to set for one’s self an unreachable goal.