english toldot 2012
SEEING THROUGH THE SKIES
And it was when Yitzchak became advanced in age and his eyes dimmed from seeing… (27:1). Rashi explains why Yitzchak had lost his eyesight: when Yitzchak was on the altar and his father was about to slaughter him, the Heavens opened up, the Angels were crying and their tears fell into the eyes of Yitzchak, so that they were dimmed.
R’ Shmuel Birnbaum asks: What does this mean? That the skies were opened for the angels to see what was happening? Couldn’t the angels see everything just perfectly from their place in the heavens without the skies opening up? He answered that up in the heavens, everything is clear. There are no questions. There are no doubts. All the things that we humans go through, all the tests that we endure due to being unable to fathom G-d’s plan are crystal clear when seen from up there. The angels were able to see how Avraham was going through the test; they saw that he would be asked – at the last second – to put the knife down. They knew that G-d would explain that He had requested from Avraham only to bring up his son on the Altar, not to slaughter but to place him there and then take him down. Knowing all they knew, from the point of view of the upper world, there was no reason for tears. There was no emotion. It was simply a test.
But then, G-d opened the Heavens. The angels were able to see things from the point of view of this world. What Avraham felt. What was going through Avraham’s mind. How could he do this to his son? How could he face his wife, Sarah? How could he face the world and explain what he did? The tears spilled from the eyes of the angels as they were able to perceive the thoughts and feelings surging through the mind and heart of our Patriarch.
When people cry, when tears emerge, it is a result of emotions that cannot be expressed by words. When emotions are too much to hold in, they emerge as tears. The tests that we go through in this world bring us to tears. The tests of others bring us to tears. But in the world up high, everything is understood, and everything can be explained. And therefore, up there, there are no tears.
(Heard from R’ Aryeh Goldberg)
I would like to make an additional point. When we see others going through trials, we sometimes see a solution, or a different perspective from that seen by the person who is suffering. When we attempt to tell them of our idea, offer suggestions or propose a different perspective…the person suddenly gets frustrated, or, perhaps, feels that he is not understood. And the truth is that if we make our suggestions, then it is more than likely that we did not even listen to what he had been telling us. A person has so many things going on in his life story, with so many past emotions, that a second person would have to listen to him for a very long time in order to really understand what he is going through. He would have to ask a lot of questions. Something like breaking down the barrier that exists between people. There were more than a few times that I experienced this in coaching. I would listen for a few hours, just asking questions to understand what the person was going through, and then I wanted to cry. I knew then, when I felt a tear on my own cheek, that I had listened well. I knew that I had broken the barrier between us. Something like what happened when the angels cried, after they saw through the Heavens.
VOICE LESSONS
A person I was coaching wanted to change his behavior: he wanted to stop getting angry. This person did not realize that his voice was very deep and had something threatening about it. When he talked, it sounded as if he was in charge of everything, giving commands. It even sounded as if he was straining himself to talk deeply and loudly. I noticed this and introduced him to a voice teacher that I knew. In one session, the voice teacher showed this fellow that he could speak with a more relaxed voice, a higher pitch, and more softly. He worked on changing his voice, and he stopped getting angry! People who would usually avoid him, including his children, now found it pleasant to speak to him. I, myself, couldn’t believe how much this tactic worked. So far, this fellow has gone two weeks without getting angry even once. He used to get angry twice a day.
The way we speak has so much to do with how we behave. The tone and color of voice has a massive effect on us. The way we say things influences what we feel as much as it expresses what is inside us. We see this in Yaakov Avinu. When Yitzchak heard his son Yaakov’s voice and felt the hairy touch of Esav, he said, הקול קול יעקב והידים ידי עשו The voice is the voice of Yaakov, and the hands are the hands of Esav. Rashi explains this that “the voice of Yaakov” means the manner in which Yaakov spoke. When Yaakov wanted his father to stand, he would request, קום נא Please stand. When Esav would ask his father to stand, he would tell himיקום אבי , Stand up, Father. Yitzchak was in tuned to this difference, and this is how he had a feeling that it might not be Esav, but Yaakov, standing before him.
The question is, if Yaakov changed everything about himself, his clothes, his name and whatever else was connected to his identity, why didn’t he change the way he spoke, as well? Why couldn’t he just have said, “Get up Father,” just as his brother Esav would say?
The answer is that Yaakov was willing to change almost everything about himself. But to speak like a man of the fields, like his brother, Esav, without gentleness, without politeness and respect – that, he was not willing to change. Even for a minute. Why didn’t he change his voice? After all, using his regular style of speech could make him seem a trickster in his Father’s eyes. And, what’s more, he could lose the blessings. But changing his “voice” – the way he spoke to people – meant changing his true identity. That was something that he would just not do.
It is not only what we say that tells others about us. It is how we say it.
DEALING WITH A WAYWARD CHILD
Yitzchak loved Esav because game was in his mouth… (Bereishit 25:28)
But why? Why did Yitzchak favor Esav more than his righteous son Yaakov? The Ben Ish Chai explains that if we look closely, we will see in this verse two reasons for Yitzchak’s surprising preference. The first reason is that Esav “trapped” his father with his smooth and misleading talk. He slyly presented himself as a righteous person by asking his father questions which gave the impression that he adhered to Jewish Law scrupulously. For example, he asked about tithing salt. Yitzchak, however, did not fall for his son’s pretensions. But he showed Esav love outwardly in order that his son should not continue in his wicked ways and go off the religious path entirely. Yitzchak believed that by building such a relationship with his son, Esav would – out of respect for his father – refrain from the sort of behavior that would embarrass his prestigious family.
The second reason why Yitzchak loved Esav is given at the end of the verse: “and Rivkah loved Yaakov.” Since Rivkah outwardly portrayed her love to Yaakov, and Yitzchak himself loved Yaakov inwardly, Yitzchak feared that Esav’s jealousy would get the better of him. Yitzchak felt it appropriate to show love for his son Esav in order that Esav should not feel jealous of Rivkah’s love toward Yaakov. He hoped that Esav would suffice with the love of his father.
There is a very important lesson here for parents of the early 21st Century. Let’s be honest: One of the wonders of the modern world is a family where the children really have respect for their parents. What is the secret of such families? More often than not, the answer is that these children were respected as people by their parents. By being respected, they were taught what respect means. If we want our children to respect us, we have to first respect them. This is something that even an Esav was able to pick up.
Another important lesson in parenting that emerges from the parashah is this: a key reason why a child from a religious family leaves his parents’ path is because he feels that he has no relationship with his father. A father must remember this at all times, and learn from Yitzchak. In the merit of dealing with his son Esav with love, and not throwing him out of the house, Yitzchak became our defender in Heaven. Through his example, he beseeches G-d to let His wayward children come back home to Torah and Mitzvot. Indeed, if we ourselves follow Yitzchak’s example when faced with children who stray from the Torah path, this may well help generate the merit which will bring the Final Redemption.
