english shoftim

 שופטים ושוטרים תתן לך בכל שעריך… (דברים ט”ז:י”ח)

Appoint judges and enforcement officers for yourself in all your gates…(Devarim 16:18)

According to some commentators, these words refer not only to society as a whole, but also to the individual on a personal level (Ben Ish Chai, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, and others). This is based on the surprising grammatical form of the termלך  (for yourself) – singular rather than plural – as well as the fact that the term itself is seemingly superfluous. It emerges that the Torah is commanding a person to judge himself and his actions. In order to do this, he must have self-awareness. Indeed, the Chafetz Chaim commented: “The greatestחשבון  (reckoning) that we will ultimately have to make on the Day of Judgment is why we lived our life without a properחשבון .”

Now, how are we to relate to the fact that many therapists discourage self-judgment?  They fear that questions like “How could I have been so foolish?” could lead to depression.

The answer is this: Self-judgment does not necessarily mean judging our self-worth, potential, or intellect. Self-judgment that leads us to think that we are not worth anything is definitely counterproductive. There is, however, great value in assessing whether or not we are behaving according to our real worth, potential, or intellect. In contrast to judgment of self-worth, judgment of behavior is not limited to the past; it includes the present and future as well.  Focusing on ourselves as people with tremendous power and potential despite our failures can give us greater clarity of judgment and better results. Even after accepting ourselves as worthy, there is still plenty of room for judgment – not only after our actions, but during and before them as well. Allow me to elaborate.

The Shlah Hakadosh writes that a person has seven openings – or gates – in the body: two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, and a mouth. Through these gates, we relate to the world around us. And that is why it is so important to postשופטים  andשוטרים  (judges and “police”) there. We receive information, and respond to the information received through these gates both emotionally and intellectually. We must keep in mind, though, that our emotions and intellect respond to the impulses generated by the information in fixed – almost “programmed” – ways. The place where this programming goes on is in the mind and heart. These two organs, the mind and heart, must be theשופטים  and שוטרים over the gates of the body. The responsibility of the intellect and the emotions is to constantly improve and clarify perception, which ultimately improves our behavior and actions.

Let us take, for example, the Torah prohibition of lashon hara (speaking ill of others), a subject to which the Chafetz Chaim devoted an entire book, Sefer Chafetz Chaim. In addition, he also authored a fantastic work (unfortunately less known) called Shaar Hatvunah on the same subject. In that sefer, he addresses how to deal with the problem of lashon hara from a Mussar (introspective) point of view. The Chafetz Chaim writes that by working on behavioral patterns, perception, and self-control, one can stop lashon hara cold turkey.

Let us picture, for a moment, someone who speaks lashon hara, but later does some introspection (“self-judgment”) and regrets his words. One utilizing positive self-judgment does not conclude that he is wicked because he did not care about the prohibition of the Torah. Rather, he realizes that the reason he spoke negatively of others was because he did not change his behavioral patterns or perceptions. The person realizes that his behavior does not befit his values and beliefs. The words spoken might have flowed from impulse or lack of awareness, and not from a desire to harm another’s self-image. In contrast, negative self-judgment would be to judge oneself as evil for speaking lashon hara.

The truth is that most people speak lashon hara because they trained their mouths to speak without thought – an instinct that must be dealt with not at the scene of the urge. What is needed, rather, is a daily 10-minute focus on changing this behavior, studying books such as Shaar Hatvunah. This may be the work of a lifetime as well.  People speak lashon hara also because they do not know how to deal with negative information about another person. The way to stop speaking lashon hara is not necessarily learning the halachot alone, but rather learning how to perceive what comes into our ears, and filter what goes out of our mouths. This, of course, involves understanding and controlling our emotions – including, jealousy, anger, haughtiness, paranoia etc.

A major key to growth and happiness is realizing that there is a gap between stimulus and response, and learning how to fill that gap appropriately. The human being is blessed with the ability to perceive a stimulus for a negative response, but contain the “urge” to respond negatively by, say, speaking lashon hara about the perpetrator. We must decide how to handle that urge: to put it on hold, to assess whether listening to or speaking lashon hara is befitting of us. And we must learn new behavioral responses to a seemingly negative urge, and transform the stimulus into a positive one. For example: the proper way to react when hearing gossip is to understand that the victim of lashon hara – the individual being disparaged – needs us to somehow stop the speaker of lashon hara from continuing to put people down.

Looking back at our actions over the past year, we may have done things that we generally do not want to do, such as acts of jealousy, desire, honor or hastiness. It is not enough to make a new commitment not to repeat the action, for we viewed this action as undesirable to begin with. Understanding that this action was motivated by a negative impulse is the first step towards overcoming it. The steps that follow are patience, analysis, (various levels of) self-control, and learning alternative, healthier ways of responding.

This ability to fill the gap between stimulus and response is a unique quality only human beings have. Only a human being can imagine himself standing outside himself, and monitoring his own behavior. This is what is meant by placing judges and “police” over our senses. Our impulses are generally responses to the stimuli coming in through the senses. And often the impulse is delayed, not immediate. It may take penetrating judgment to perceive this.

In short, proper self-judgment can be the best way to make us happier people over the long term, and the best way to use these days of Elul properly as well. If it is misused, however, it can be our greatest enemy at a time of year when we cannot afford the depression it causes.

            USING OUR CHARACTER TRAITS APPROPRIATELY

Each and every one of us has a unique array of character traits – ways of conducting ourselves that are part of our identity. Please take a moment now to see which of the following describe you:

adventurous / analytical / anxious / boastful/ caring / cold / compassionate / courageous / curious / daring / disorganized / disrespectful / efficient / envious/ friendly / funny / grumpy / indecisive / lazy / listening / loud / meticulous/ neat / organized / passive / perfectionist / pleasure-seeking / quiet / respectful / serious / shy / spiritual / sympathetic / thoughtful / utilitarian / unemotional / worrying / youthful / yielding /zealous

You may be surprised to learn that there is a passuk in this week’s parashah that, according to Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l, connects up with this list: תמים תהיה עם ה’ אלקיך (י”ח:י”ג) – Be wholehearted with Hashem, your G-d.

Rav Kotler sees in this passuk a directive to avoid contradictions in our personality and character traits. Almost every trait in the list above has a time and place where it can and should be applied. Too often, though, some of these traits elude us when we need them most. Nothing created by G-d is bad. Neither are the seemingly negative traits. How we decide to develop and apply each one of our traits is up to us.

Just to give a few examples of what we are referring to: A husband or wife whose sensitivity is clearly in evidence when it comes to their parents, should also use this trait vis-à-vis their spouse. A man who is energetic when it comes to going out on “Saturday Night” should show that same energy when it comes to learning on Shabbat afternoon. A funny person should use that trait to laugh at himself when feeling slighted unintentionally. An analytical person should be analyzing his or her own behavior. A friendly personality should be at least as friendly with their own family as with outsiders. An anxious person should be anxious about getting to shul on time and eating only in restaurants with the top standard of Kashrut. A loud person should raise his voice against evil, and the quiet fellow should remain quiet when his spouse spills out her aggravation or frustration at him. A pleasure-seeker should figure how to give pleasure to the poor, and a perfectionist should find out how to make himself the best person he can be.

These are just a small sampling of the possible ways we can work on being “wholehearted” with HaShem – an especially timely pursuit now before Rosh HaShanah.