VAYELECH 2012
A REFUND ON TIME
The days in which we presently find ourselves are days in which we all look for merits. However, R. Y. T. Salant, in B’er Yosef, helps us understand something about this from the famous story of R Preida. (Eiruvin 54b) The Talmud begins with the passuk in our Parasha:ועתה כתבו לכם את השירה הזאת ולמדה את בני ישראל שימה בפיהם R’ Akiva learns from here that it is the responsibility of the teacher to make sure that the student comprehend the lesson and be able to repeat what the teacher said in his own words.
R’ Preida had a student that would comprehend Torah concepts only after he was explained four hundred times. Once, in the middle of the four hundred times, R’ Preida was invited to come to a Simcha that was to take place that evening . After the person delivering the invitation left, R’ Preida finished the expected four hundred times. Still, the student did not comprehend. R’ Preida asked what was different this time. The answer he got was, “The moment that the messenger invited you, I lost my focus. And then, after he left, I kept thinking that R’ Preida would get up any minute to go to the Simcha.” R’ Preida responded, “Pay attention, and I will teach it to you again.” He taught him another four hundred times. And then a Heavenly Voice came out and said to R’ Preida, ” Would you rather have another four hundred years of life, or that you and your generation merit the World to Come?“ R’ Preida answered that he chose option B. G-d responded, “Give him both!”
Why did G-d give R’ Preida both options, just because he chose option B? To pick the next world over a long life in this world is a no-brainer. Why then would R’ Preida be rewarded so generously for his answer?
The answer is that R’ Preida was on the level of wanting additional time in This World in order to serve Hashem more and more. He realized that every minute in This World was so much greater than all the pleasures of the Next World, where there are no more mitzvoth.
Still, R’ Preida chose that he and his generation merit the Next World, passing up opportunity for his own growth (via long life) for the sake of his whole generation. And because he preferred bringing merit for the people over his own merit and personal spiritual growth, he was given a double reward. G-d did not let R’ Preida lose out personally because of his sacrifice for other people.
When we do not have a lot of time, and we wish we had more of it, there is nothing better to do than to bring merit to the tzibbur. When we are hearing someone out, and he is taking a long time, don’t rush him. G-d will give you a refund on that time. When we are in the Asseret Yemei Teshuva and we do not know how to squeeze the maximum out of the time we have, the best advice is to look around and see where we can cause more merit for Klal Yisrael.
WHY MOST REPENTERS DON’T REPENT
Mentors of Mussar teach us that Teshuva does not mean to be better. It means to be different. The fellow who discovers that he got on the train that is going in the opposite direction from his destination cannot just get up and sit in the seat facing the direction of where he wishes he was going. He’s got to get off the train. Find where he went wrong. And start on a new track. When people discover that they have gotten themselves into a habit that does them no good, the solution is never on the same plateau as the problem. Only uprooting and starting again can make the difference.
This we find in the words of Rabbeinu Yonah in his Iggeret Hateshuva. There is only one way to do Teshuva: It is by seeing yourself as a new person and starting afresh. Getting into the “now” and making sure that you do your best that such a mistake will not be repeated. It is not to live in the past and in regret. Regret is a delicately sensitive feeling, and one that has its very specific time and place. Regret can be effective only AFTER a person has changed. Despite the fact that Teshuva is a combination of חרטה and קבלה על העתיד, Regret for the past and Accepting a new path for the future, Teshuva does not start with regret. (This may be the reason why G-d made Rosh Hashana before Yom Kippur: to teach us that before we work on atonement, scrubbing the sins of the past by means of regret, we must initiate a new beginning.) And most people get so busy with regret that they just never do teshuva, no matter how much they try.
Imagine someone who speaks gossip about his/her brother only a day after Rosh Hashana. He wishes he had not said what he did. He feels so bad about what he said. For some people, this feeling stays for a few minutes, and for others, a few days. But most people get so engrossed in the thought of the past, so involved in the regret, that they just forget about what they should do to make sure that they won’t ever speak about their brother like that again. Real teshuva would be taking fifteen minutes a day to study Shemirat Halashon.
This is true about most things that we would like to do teshuva for. We usually attempt teshuva on things that we feel bad about. And then, we get so busy feeling bad about them that we get sidetracked and end up not rectifying them. Regret, says R’ Yonah, should be reserved for after change. When someone recognizes faulty behavior in himself, he should first figure out what new habits need to be adopted. Then, he should put the new behavior into practice, and only then, after he has already affected a change, can he go through the hell of regret.
Why in this order?
R’ Hutner writes that although the Mitzvah of Teshuva is a Mitzvah Temidit, a constant mitzvah that can and should be done at any time, in any place, learnt from the words of King David וחטאתי נגדי תמיד , still and all, this refers to the part of Teshuva that involves making changes for the future, not to regret. Regret, in its deepest essence, has its root in anger, in not accepting one’s past self or behaviors, and is a close cousin to rebuke. The word rebuke is usually understood by us as reprimanding others. R’ Hutner points out that regret is actually rebuking oneself. And, says R’ Hutner, just as rebuke is a mitzvah, so is regret. The problem is that just as rebuke is something that most people are not capable of doing properly, so too is having regret for sin. Although regret is necessary, it must be felt in the proper way, with caution. The reason it is so hard to rebuke another person is that the other person automatically feels that you are out to get him, or that you do not understand him, or because there is some other underlying issue. All these components may be playing behind the scenes when someone is rebuking himself through regret. One can feel that he does not understand himself. Or that the thoughts are just automatic thoughts knocking ones self image. It is very hard to judge others, and no less difficult to judge oneself. It’s hard to recognize one’s personal strengths at the same time when one is regretting actions where weakness reigns. Therefore, says R’ Hutner, regret cannot be a Mitzah Temiddit. This is so ironic, because most people who want to do Teshuva for something in the past just cannot seem to get the regret out of their head, making it somewhat Temidi. That is the only part that cannot be Temidi.
The key to Teshuva is to be able to be in the “now”, finding what is the best way to make sure the sin will not happen again. Not in the slightest way. Only then should one get emotional about it. But when one gets emotional first, then change just passes us by, while we just keep grinding thoughts of the past, and forgetting to take responsibility for the future.
SHORTCUT TO FORGIVENESS
Not many hours lie between us and the sealing of our fate for the upcoming year. We cannot afford to waste time. This situation causes pressure for many of us. How are we going to complete our “teshuvah agenda” by Yom Kippur?
Our Rabbis teach that there is a kind of shortcut: .כל המעביר על מדותיו מעבירין לו על כל פשעיו Loosely translated, this means: If a person overlooks his natural tendencies (middot) and forgives those who have wronged him, G-d will overlook all of his sins (Rosh Hashanah 17a). G-d is willing to judge us the way we judge others. If we treat others strictly, that is how G-d will treat us as well. This is not a punishment. Rather, it is the most precise way of executing justice. Each person’s actions are judged in accordance with that person’s perception and standards. (Interestingly, this can result in a situation where two people with identical merits and sins get entirely different judgments.)
But it’s not quite that simple. As Rav Chaim Friedlander reminds us, this “shortcut” is not available to one who forgives those over whom he/she has no power. It is reserved for the person who has power over the one who wronged him – such as an employer or teacher vis-à-vis an employee or student – but grants forgiveness anyway. When a powerless person turns a blind eye to the one who has wronged him, this does not qualify as overlooking one’s natural tendencies. Allow me to elaborate.
Anger, for example, is a place where one’s middot (natural tendencies and character traits) are clearly visible. Why do we get angry? It usually stems from the feeling that someone stepped on us or our principles. And that is exactly how we are measured! How much we can forgive and how much can we overlook. This may be the reason why the word middot also means measures. Upon becoming angry one reveals where the limits of his/her endurance are. Through one’s middot one can reveal the limits of spiritual growth that can be achieved as well.
Taking control of our middot is so important because they not only led to our past misbehavior, but they also dictate how we will act in any given situation in the future. That is why we are judged on our middot on Yom Kippur, and that is why Hashem grants atonement to one who overcomes anger. Such a person has overcome his middot and essentially become a different person. For him or her, past misbehavior is no longer a sure indication of future misbehavior.
The Satan testifies on Yom Kippur that the Jews are angelic for overcoming anger and letting bygones be bygones. For if we can learn to understand and accept, we are displaying angelic behavior. We are no longer judged by the pettiness of our own “rules and regulations.”
*
The days between Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur are a time when G-d is especially close to us, and when it is easy to call out to Him: דרשו ה’ בהמצאו קראוהו בהיותו קרוב Where exactly do we find G-d? The Baal Shem Tov offers a Chassidic approach based on the passuk, שויתי ה’ לנגדי תמיד (I place G-d before me at all times). The termלנגדי (before me) can also mean opposite me. G-d is to be found opposite you, in your “opponent” – the person whom you feel is the hardest person in your life to deal with. G-d put the annoyance in your life to see how you deal with it. And He is right there taking notes.
This is the secret of the Selichot prayers and the repetition of the Thirteen Divine Attributes. The repetition is intended to help us internalize the awareness that the greatness of G-d lies in His finding a way to forgive us. Our obligation is to emulate Him and His Attributes of Mercy. As one Rabbi put it, G-d sends us annoyances to overlook so that we can understand His greatness in overlooking our sins.
This may be the secret of the mikveh as well. It is customary to immerse oneself in the mikveh on Erev Yom Kippur. There is an old saying: Although sadness is not a sin, it can take the person further from G-d than the worst sin. And there is a similar Chassidic saying about the mikveh. Although immersing oneself in the mikveh is not a mitzvah, it can bring one closer to G-d than the greatest mitzvah. The mikveh has the segulah to be able to help one refrain from anger. The numerical value of mikveh (מקוה) is 151, and is almost identical to the numerical value of כעס (anger). What is the connection?
The mikveh is a place where one purifies oneself, but this can only be achieved if one is entirely immersed in water. Any separation between the skin and the water disqualifies the immersion. According to Halachah, though, only something that one is particular about not being on the skin is considered a separation. On the symbolic level, then, the mikveh teaches a person not to get hung up or angry about the things that could cause division between himself and others. There is no separation: I am selfless. This is the shortcut to atonement on Yom Kippur.
