THE FEAR OF G-D BAROMETER
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THE FEAR OF G-D BAROMETER
Parashat Vayera
When the Torah introduces the test of Akeidat Yitzhak, it tells us וְהָ֣אֱלֹקים נִסָּ֖ה אֶת־אַבְרָהָ֑ם And Elokim tested Avraham. Wait a second! Wasn’t this just as much a test for Yitzhak as it was for Avraham? After all, Yitzhak was 37 years old, not a helpless, little child! And another question. We find that the words Lech Lecha, go for your own sake, by the last test of Akeidat Yitzhak, parallel the term Lech Lecha used in the first test. וַיֹּ֡אמֶר קַח־נָ֠א אֶת־בִּנְךָ֙ אֶת־יְחִֽידְךָ֤ אֲשֶׁר־אָהַ֙בְתָּ֙ אֶת־יִצְחָ֔ק וְלֶךְ־לְךָ֔ אֶל־אֶ֖רֶץ הַמֹּרִיָּ֑ה: What was the connection, what was the parallel, between the test when Avraham was told to leave home, to the test of when he was told to sacrifice his son?
When G-d asked Avraham to offer up his son Yitzhak, G-d was asking Avraham to give up his whole future, the future of the entire Jewish Nation. יחידך Your only son, Avraham prophesied that he would not have any more sons, if Yitzhak would be sacrificed. Yishmael was disqualified from being Avraham’s continuation, עם הדומה לחמור. This is the parallel between the last Lech Lecha and the first Lech Lecha. In the first command to Go, Avraham was tested to let go of his past. To leave behind all the people that he made an impact on. Now, Avraham was being tested, to let go of his future. His eternity. His namesake.
The Rambam does not count the test of Avraham Avinu being thrown into the fire at Ur Kasdim as one of the ten tests. Why not? R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel, zt”l, explains that there are two types of Mesirut Nefesh, of self-sacrifice. There is the self-sacrifice of giving up your life for G-d, for your religion. For the BIG things. And there is the self-sacrifice for the small things, the everyday. Yitzhak’s test to give up his life and Avraham’s test at Ur Kasdim, and even the test of Avraham being told to sacrifice Yitzhak itself, were not considered, by G-d, to be indications of Fear of G-d. As we mention in Selichot, Yitzhak said to his father, אם תמנעני סוף – רוחי ונשמתי אליו יאסף. Don’t have mercy on me when you fulfill your prophecy to sacrifice me; for, after all, if you prevent me from meeting my end, if you don’t slaughter me, my spirit and my soul, He will gather to Himself. The test of the Akeidah was to see if Avraham could do the Mitzvah with happiness, with alacrity and enthusiasm. It was in the how they self-sacrificed, not in the sacrifice itself. As the way the Piyut describes Avraham’s emotions, עין במר בוכה ולב שמח Eye crying bitterly and with a happy heart. It is evident that Avraham was happy at heart, for if he was sad, he would not be able to prophesize. (Shabbat 30b) He would not have seen the Cloud on top of Mt. Moriah. And even worse. He would not be able to hear the angel telling him not to slaughter his son!
The Fear of G-d barometer is not a one-time display of spiritual strength, but it is a constant; it is displayed in your everyday living. The barometer of your spiritual connection measures not if you pray, recite the appropriate blessings or do Mitzvoth. The fear of G-d barometer measures how you pray, how you wake up and how you go to sleep. How you speak, how you bless before and after eating and after going to the restroom. It measures if your behavior reflects your constant awareness of standing before G-d, and if you demonstrate, in your actions, thatכל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך יקוק אלקי ואלקי אבותי אתה הוא רבון כל המעשים אדון כל הנשמות. As long as my soul is within me, I confess in front of You and praise You, YKVK my G-d, and the G-d of my fathers, Master of all actions, Boss of all the souls. The barometer is a constant one, כל זמן. This is what we mean when we say וקדושים בכל יום יהללוך סלה. And the holy ones (the ones who are separated from the regular and mundane) every day, praise You, Selah. What does the word Selah, mean? Selah means every moment, forever. Constant and consistent. Only those who serve G-d with consistency can fathom how קדוש, separate and holy, G-d is.
For Avraham to sacrifice Yitzhak would mean to live with the pain, the constant pain, that he had given up his entire future, hundreds of millions of Jews, throughout the generations! Sarah might never believe him, that he received a prophecy to sacrifice her son. After all, unless G-d prevents it, when one prophet receives prophesy, the other prophets also know about it. (Sanhedrin 89b) Being that Sarah was a greater prophet than Avraham,)Rashi 21;12) how could it be that Avraham would be commanded to sacrifice her Yitzhak and she did not know about it? Maybe Avraham made a mistake in his prophesy, especially, because G-d never wants people sacrificing people! Avraham would have needed to face all this doubt, all this insecurity, constantly, for the rest of his life, alone! He would have needed go to sleep with this pain each night, and wake up with it, each morning.
Why does G-d only want animal sacrifices and not human sacrifices? We say in Hallel לא המתים יהללו י-ה . The dead will not praise G-d… Of course, the dead will not praise G-d!?! But the meaning of these words is that when someone dies for a great purpose, it is over. Although he died for a purpose, and the memory lives on with impact on the living, the person’s connection with G-d as a human is over. But when someone lives a life of purpose, a life of transcendence, a life of overcoming natural tendencies and everyday life adversities – that is the greatest praise to G-d. This is why the tests counted as part of the ten were only the constant tests and not the BIG, one-timers. Because the everyday tests are the ones in which you need to go against your nature and change it. The fear of G-d barometer measures the constant. It is harder to live like a servant of G-d, than it is to die like one.
To me, this has so many powerful messages. Every time I go for a walk in the Jerusalem forest near my house, I pass the holy cemetery of the IDF soldiers who gave up their lives for Israel and the Jewish Nation. Whenever I think about it, I cry, as I am awe-inspired by people who gave up their lives Al Kiddush Hashem, and made an eternal impact on Jewish History and the Jewish Nation. But then, I realize that I have to respect no less the Yeshiva students, the Torah scholars, the orthodox Jews, the Jews who are willing to be a walking and talking, who fight the everyday struggles, for their Fear of G-d and Love of G-d. They are the living Kidush Hashem, constantly, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
On Erev Yom Kippur, I went to cry to my Rabbi, saying how I wish I were holier, more connected to prayer, more connected to learning. If only people would know who I really am, that I am not on the level of my own writings, they might not want to read what I write! My Rabbi said that the holy people, the ones who are connected to learning and to praying, who have a connection, are the ones who cry for it, who are in the constant battle to achieve it. Those who pray for spiritual success each day. As long as you are fighting for it, it means you are spiritually alive and kicking. People teach best and write best what they are presently working on. The spiritual danger begins when you become complacent, either when you feel you have already achieved that special connection or feel that you have no chance of achieving it.
Selfie Steps to constantly implement spiritual connection:
- To be connecting spiritually, constantly, you need to master being present. To get in the Now, you need to leave your past behind, and to forget about your future. Let go!
- The secret to implementing anything consistently is by getting into the routine of learning about it. And the secret to connecting to G-d while doing Mitzvoth is the habit of learning Torah. שתרגילני בתורתך That You get me into the routine of learning Your Torah. ותדביקני במצותיך. And (by being in the habit of learning,) You will connect me with your mitzvoth.
- Learn the balance of fast and slow thinking to keep your mind focused both on the general, overall idea, and on the details and specifics as well. Yaakov referred to prayer, to piercing the Heavens, as בְּחַרְבִּ֖י וּבְקַשְׁתִּֽי. With my sword and with my bow (and arrow). On the one hand, the faster you move a blade or sword, the more power it has. To stay focused on the general idea of what you are praying, you need to keep moving in your prayers. But to focus on the word, you need to slow down. As America’s top sniper once revealed his sharpshooting secret. “You have to slow your heart rate, stay calm. You have to shoot in between your heartbeats. “
- Although the world is fast-paced and you need to speed up in your outside world performance, slow down in your inside world. Haste makes waste. Pray, bless, learn, and live right the first time around. As Abraham Lincoln said, “I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.”vayera 2020 bvayera 2020 b
