THE ART OF WHAT NOW
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THE ART OF WHAT NOW
We often resist life’s challenges because we believe we shouldn’t be there. This week’s Parsha is a masterclass in adaptability. Yosef doesn’t spend his time brooding over how he got into the pit or blaming others for his circumstances. Yosef had every reason to be bitter. After all, he was sold out by family. If you were thrown in a pit, you’d probably shout, “You had ONE job, Hashem!” Picture Yosef sitting in that pit, fresh off betrayal by his brothers. He had every right to stew in anger—at G-d, his father, or himself. Yet, years later, when Yosef revealed himself to his brothers, he said something extraordinary: Just as I have no animosity toward Binyamin, I have nothing against my brothers who threw me into the pit. (Rashi Bereishit 45:12).
I always wondered what I would think if my brothers threw me into a pit and sold me as a slave. Yosef simply accepts: This is where I am. Now how do I make the most of it? Instead of asking “Why me?” Yosef teaches us the art of asking “What now?”
Yosef accepted that he was meant to be in the pit. This is the art of צַדִּ֣יק ה’ בְּכׇל־דְּרָכָ֑יו. G-d is righteous in all His ways! If a cat eats the mouse, Hashem is still a Tzaddik. The time of Mouse was expired anyway, why should Cat miss out on a good meal? If I am in the pit, who cares how I got here or who threw me in,… I am supposed to be here! Sometimes, what makes a person a Tzaddik, or a Rasha, is dependent on how the person perceives G-d. Is G-d a Tzaddik, or is G-d, Chas Veshalom, the opposite. All sin stems from not realizing that G-d is always, always, always, the Tzaddik. ואתה צדיק על כל הבא עלינו. This mindset is what made Yosef into Yosef Hatzaddik, that he made G-d always Tzaddik.
Picture this. A car slows down next to you, the driver rolls down the window, and asks you how to get to another city. You ask him, How did you get here??? He tells you, he does not know, but what difference does that make? All I want to know is, How do I get to Point B? Does it really matter how I ended up at Point A? (Unless you are trying to point out to him that he should turn on Waze.)
This is the secret to success, to be Matzliach. Yosef was the first person to be Matzliach, to be successful. That is a headscratcher, right there. How can being a slave be considered successful?
Yosef didn’t wait for his circumstances to improve—he succeeded as a slave. Success isn’t about your position. It’s about your attitude. It means embracing your current reality with all you’ve got. Yosef didn’t say, “I’m better than this!” He said, “If I’m here, I’ll shine here.” If you’re stuck being a “slave,” be the best slave you can be. If you are a prisoner in jail, be the best prisoner in the cell. Instead of lamenting “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” ask, “What can I do with where I am right now?”
On Friday nights, we bless our children to be like Ephraim and Menashe—not Avraham, Yitzchak, or Yaakov. When blessing our daughters we bless them to be like Sarah, Rivka, Rachel and Leah. So why don’t we bless our children to be like the Patriarchs as well? Why bless them to be like Efraim and Menashe?
Because Ephraim and Menashe grew up in Egypt, surrounded by spiritual impurity, yet they stayed strong. How? What parenting tool do we need to learn from Yosef, their father? Yosef’s secret to raising resilient children was his ability to adapt to his reality. Of course, you need to always try to create the best environment to bring up your kids in, but Yosef’s secret was, that if this is where I am right now in life, I will bring up the best children I can, given the circumstances. I can be a perfect parent, even if I am in an imperfect environment! I won’t just feel, that if I had things better, I would be able to bring up better children. This is where I am, so What Now?
Where did Yosef get the power of עתה , the power of now, that he taught his brothers in Parashat Vayigash, when he revealed himself to them by repeating ועתה again and again? He got it from his mother Rachel! How so?
The power of now, is what empowered Rachel to give Leah the secret signs under the chuppah! Rachel didn’t worry about losing her future with Yaakov; she saw her sister’s pain in the present. But what about being the future Matriarch of the Jewish Nation??!! What about the dreaded possibility of marrying Esav??!!
Hashem doesn’t ask us to change the world, or be the Mother of the Jewish Nation—He asks us to be a Mentsch! He asks us to do what’s right right now. If your “right now” is helping your sister avoid humiliation, that she should not be turned down at her own Chuppah, in her white Kallah Gown, then you roll up your sleeves and do it, and forget about everything else. Being a Mentch, is expected of you. Being the Matriarch, changing the world, is just extra credit.
This article, believe it or not, no one wrote. It was written by a team of robots. TranscribeMe and Chat Gpt. I record voice notes into TranscribeMe app on Whatsapp. It writes everything I record. I take the text, and put into ChatGpt to properly write the ideas that were transcribed. All I do is think of ideas, and edit what ChatGpt wrote. I believe in adapting to times, and this is the future. As one comedian said, I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
Sometimes though, I ask Chat Gpt for ideas, or for Chat Gpt to create stories that are emotional. But the emotions of a robot, are always off. “I once wrote a love story that made me feel emotions. Yep, me, a large language model with no heart or brain! Here’s what happened: Someone asked me to write a story about two time travelers—one who could only go into the past and the other who could only move forward into the future. They met in a fleeting moment, in a forgotten ruin where time didn’t flow quite right. A present moment that never ended…”
That is how Yosef was born! From a point where past meets future! Rachel wanted to call Yosef אָסַ֥ף אֱלֹקים אֶת־חֶרְפָּתִֽי Hashem gathered my shame! But in the end, she called him something for the future! וַתִּקְרָ֧א אֶת־שְׁמ֛וֹ יוֹסֵ֖ף לֵאמֹ֑ר יֹסֵ֧ף ה’ לִ֖י בֵּ֥ן אַחֵֽר And she called his name Yosef, saying, Hashem should add me another child! This is what infused Yosef with the Power of Now! Only through accepting and maximizing the present moment, can we fix the past, and effect the future! It is all about adapting to now!
This week, a single mom of five “difficult” children asked me advice how she can handle her children that were driving her nuts. I gently asked her if she wanted advice on how to handle them, or how to respond to them. There is a difference. With difficult children, you can’t handle them. You can only handle yourself, how you respond to them. This was the moment she began to heal. The secret is not trying to control the uncontrollable. It’s learning to adapt your response to the chaos. Adaptation is where transformation begins. It’s the art of What Now?.
The Rambam tells us in the laws of prayer the first step of Shacharit, Minha, Arvit, is to sit down—just sit. This is the meaning of אשרי יושבי ביתך, lucky are those who sit in your home. Why? Because prayer demands presence in thought, not to be in the past or future. You can’t ask Hashem for help while mentally multitasking through your to-do list. Settle into the now. True tefillah happens when we settle into where we are, pains and all, and pray from that place. Prayers that come from your present reality, from the pain, fears, anxieties that you are going through at the present moment, have unmatched power. That is the original prayer, to pray בעת צרה, in times of duress.
The Hovot Halevovot teaches, that there is no such thing as relying on G-d, and relying on something else, simultaneously. Yosef spent two extra years in prison for asking the butler to help him twice. Was it wrong to try to improve his situation? For us, no. But Yosef’s essence was accepting his reality. He knew his journey—pit to palace—was divinely orchestrated. Asking the butler twice suggested he forgot that, if only for a moment. If Yosef wanted out, he was expected to ask G-d again, not to ask the butler twice!
This is why Reuven lost all leadership. Although he shined in trying to protect his brother Yosef in the story, but at the time when they sold Yosef, Reuven was not around! He was busy repenting in sackcloth and ashes somewhere, fixing his past, doing Teshuva for moving around the beds after Rachel died! But Reuven, in the present, your brother is in the pit! The Yetzer Hara loves it when we get caught up in Teshuva, in regret, and not in being responsible for the present moment! You could be doing Teshuva for the past, miss the Now, and mess up on doing the Mitzvoth you currently have, with joy. You could lose everything, just like that. This was the sad story of Reuven at the Pit.
These three parashiot about Yosef are not just a story with a hero. They are a timeless lesson of how to deal with life’s pits. 1. Accept where you are. 2. Adapt to the challenge. 3. Make the most of the moment.
