THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION
THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION
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In Parashat Balak, we meet one of the most spiritually gifted and morally bankrupt men in the Torah: Bilaam. The Chafetz Chaim noted an unusual pattern in this Parasha. From beginning to end, there isn’t a single parsha break. Not one open or closed space to pause between sections.
Why?
Because Bilaam never stopped to think. G-d’s words flowed through his lips, but never into his heart. Unlike Moshe, who would pause between prophecies to reflect and internalize, Bilaam charged forward unaffected, untransformed. He had prophecy — but lacked personal growth. He is the ultimate proof that inspiration is not the same as transformation.
Rav Yaakov Galinsky told a story he heard from the Alter of Novardok. One winter night, the synagogue’s caretaker stayed late to clean. Suddenly, the town thief tiptoed in. The caretaker ducked beneath a bench and watched. To his shock, the thief walked straight to the Aron Kodesh, kissed the curtain, and began to cry. “Master of the Universe,” he sobbed. “Please… give me ruach hakodesh!”
The caretaker couldn’t believe his ears. When the thief turned to leave, he confronted him. “What kind of prayer is that?” he asked. “You’re a thief! What do you have to do with Ruach Hakodesh?” The thief looked at him seriously and replied, “You have no idea how hard my job is. Breaking into homes, in the freezing cold, my heart pounding from fear… I never know where the safe is hidden. I waste precious time looking everywhere, scared to get caught. But if I had Ruach Hakodesh, I’d know exactly where to look.”
This is Bilaam. He doesn’t deny G-d. He speaks to G-d. He hears G-d. But he doesn’t serve G-d. And that’s the real tragedy: he knows. He’s not ignorant. He just… can’t stop… just like the thief.
The longest bridge in the world, is between a man’s mind, and a man’s heart. When it comes to right and wrong, knowing the difference between the two, is never enough. We live in a generation that idolizes awareness. Therapy, books, courses — all teach us to recognize our patterns. “You have to realize what you’re doing,” we’re told. And yes, awareness is the first step. But it’s not the last. It is not enough to think differently. We need to feel what is right and what is wrong on a different level, in order to behave on a different level.
The thief is aware. Bilaam is aware. But they lost their muscle of self-control.
Here’s a practical model, especially relevant when someone in your life continues to cause you harm, whether they’re aware of it or not. Ask: “Are you aware/Do you realize that you pained me/caused me harm/ slighted me, when you…? Can you please stop doing that?” Most abuse, the abuser is not even aware that he is abusing. By asking the abuser this question, you’ve named the behavior, and brought it to awareness. That’s step one.
If it happens again, ask: “Are you able to stop?” This is the deeper question. It reveals whether they even have the self-mastery to change. Many people who hurt others, or themselves — emotionally, verbally, or spiritually — are aware. They may even admit it. But they can’t stop. Not because they’re evil. But because they’ve lost the muscle of self-control.
If they still continue, say: “If you can’t or won’t stop, I will need to .” And then? You must follow through. You don’t deserve abuse from anyone. Through these four steps, they will learn, eventually, to stop. Because most people don’t stop until they’re forced to confront the price of their actions.
Bilaam’s story teaches us that hearing G-d is not the same as serving G-d. Awareness alone, might not change who you are. Knowing the truth is not the same as living the truth. We need more than insight. We need inner strength — the kind that lets us face our impulses, name them, and overcome them.
What are the ways to internalize the truths that we know?
1.It’s not enough to prophesy. You need to study the subject you want to change in — if you ever hope to actually change. Until now, I’ve never really focused on making videos. Since March 2011, I’ve been writing weekly articles — with over 20,000 readers a week. My Rabbi advised me to stay away from videos, feeling that video content often creates a “click-on, click-off” experience — a burst of inspiration that fades before it can turn into real transformation.
When people watch a good video, they’re usually inspired to share it — not necessarily to internalize it. The energy moves outward instead of inward. But lately, with so many people wanting to come to Israel and not being able to, and with so many older articles that I’ve written that still feel alive and relevant, I started a new video series: Transform Through Torah — daily 3–5 minute videos, filmed at the Kotel or while walking through the Old City of Jerusalem, or Jerusalem Forest. I post them as far and wide as I can, and I’m happy to keep spreading them if anyone wants to help.
https://chat.whatsapp.com/DxbcXvHmvdGDGVfSkkmhZx
Still, I believe there’s something about the written word — the quiet impact of reading — that videos just can’t replace. So, I hope to keep writing.
2.The Rambam in Hilchot Deot teaches us almost everything we need to know about real change:
- First, if you want to fix a trait, start by pulling yourself to the opposite extreme. That’s how you eventually reach the middle — the balanced, healthy point. For example, if you struggle with pride, practice humility intentionally until you find center.
- Second, be patient. Changing your behavior is like straightening teeth. Changing habits is like wearing braces. Ugly at first. Tight. Painful. But over time, the crooked becomes straight. Don’t expect overnight transformations. Expect awkwardness. Expect friction. That means it’s working. You need to wear “character braces” — keep the pressure on, consistently, until your new habits form naturally. You can’t rush it.
- Third, change your environment. Surround yourself with people who already behave the way you want to behave. If you want to grow, don’t hang around people who keep you stuck.
- Fourth, take care of your body. There’s no such thing as fixing your soul while neglecting your health. Your body and your character are deeply connected.
- Fifth, work on your self-awareness and self-control. What messages are you giving off to others? What do your tone, your words, your clothes and your face say about your internal world?
- Sixth, strengthen your integrity and honesty. Be the same person on the inside as you are on the outside.
- And seventh, refine your qualities of cleanliness, contentment, and humility.
This is the perfect workout, to build your inner strength muscle of self-control.
