THE ART OF SLEEPING THROUGH STRESS
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THE ART OF SLEEPING THROUGH STRESS
There’s a striking detail hidden in the Exodus story that most people miss. Despite Moshe’s explicit warning that Pharaoh’s firstborn would die at midnight, Pharaoh went to bed and actually fell asleep. The Torah records: “And Pharaoh rose up in the night”, meaning until that moment, he had been sleeping peacefully. All this despite the fact that every one of the other nine threats of Moshe came true until now!
There was another leader who slept at night, knowing that in the morning he was set out to sacrifice his only son. Abraham Avinu. When G-d commanded Abraham to sacrifice Yitzhak, the son he had waited decades to have, Abraham also slept through the night. “Abraham rose early in the morning”, means, he had been asleep until then.
Two men facing the unthinkable loss of their most important child. Both sleeping peacefully.
There’s a psychological truth hidden that explains why some people sleep soundly while others toss and turn with anxiety, and it has nothing to do with meditation apps or melatonin. How is that possible? It’s all about the psychology of Inner Resolve.
People who are fully committed to their path, whatever that path may be, can sleep at night. Pharaoh was completely resolved in his decision: “I will not listen, no matter the cost.” He knew the price of challenging G-d, and accepted it. That clarity, however morally wrong his choice, brought psychological peace. Abraham was equally resolved, but in the opposite direction: “I will do what’s right at any cost.” His commitment was absolute. No internal conflict.
Both were leaders of their own lives: decisive, clear, internally aligned. When you’re not fully committed to your direction, anxiety becomes your constant companion. But the Jewish people, were not that way. Those who were not leaders, those who were lead, were constantly in anxiety and panic, constantly conflicted. One moment wanting freedom, the next hesitating, not sure if it was smart to leave. Even after leaving Egypt, they kept looking back: “Were there no graves in Egypt? Why did you bring us here?”
This ancient dynamic explains a modern epidemic: the inability to sleep. I once counseled a mother in Israel whose teenage daughter would come home at 7 AM, for not days, not weeks, but months. The daughter would not answer her phone all night, and the mother knew, that if she would be tough through punishment, her daughter would run away from home.
The poor mother had been awake all night, calling relatives in USA, asking: “Should I sleep? Should I look for her? What do I do?” Her mother told her something wise: “There’s nothing you can do right now.” And that’s when she could finally sleep…not because the situation improved, but because she accepted her current reality. When she accepted that her daughter is not letter her control her, in any way, and that her daughter has more power than the mother, of the daughter’s life decisions, the mother was able to sleep.
The same principle applies to teenagers themselves. Why do teens worldwide, across every culture and language, naturally shift to wanting to sleep at 2 AM and wake at 11 AM? Science confirms this isn’t rebellion; it’s biology. In his bestselling book Why We Sleep, sleep researcher Matthew Walker explains that adolescent circadian rhythms genuinely shift later during the teenage years. But there’s something deeper happening: Teens can’t sleep because they’re in the process of becoming the leaders of their own lives. They’re asking: Who am I? What do I believe? What path will I choose? This identity formation requires time away from parental oversight… late-night conversations with peers, hours of reflection, the space to question everything. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s essential. According to Walker, G-d designed this developmental window precisely so young people could forge their own identity. So, if despite all you request from your teens, to sleep on time and wake up on time, they don’t listen, it might not be their fault. This can be something that is biological. This might not be that act of your teen. This might be the Act of G-d.
One parent asked me, Should I take away my rebellious child’s phone so that they can sleep the night? I asked a rebellious teen that question, after she came back to being healthy and balanced, and this is what she told me: The phone isn’t the problem! The phone is the solution teens use to manage the real problem: they can’t sleep at night because they are not sure who they are! They can’t sleep because they have an identity crisis! There is a lot of discomfort to be in an identity crisis! The way they keep themselves busy at night when they can’t sleep, is being on their phone! Teens who go “totally off the beaten path” but are genuinely committed to their new direction, they sleep better than the “good kids” who are still wrestling with internal conflict. Commitment brings peace, even when the commitment itself is the wrong commitment! If a parent of a rebellious child can’t sleep, they need a commitment to follow those who have the greatest, clearest, Daat Torah, from those experienced in the field, to know that they are choosing the best choices in going through their crises. Until they have that worked out, they will be anxiety ridden, and won’t be able to sleep!
This psychology of Inner Resolve is relevant to everyone, not just parents or teenagers: Most of us live half-committed, constantly second-guessing, being pulled along by circumstances, opinions, etc… rather than leading our own lives. We keep looking outside our own world to see if what we are doing and how we are living is normal, right, justified… Pharaoh did not look outside, he was sound asleep till the screaming at midnight! … Abraham did not ask Sarah, or Mamreh, if it was the right thing to slaughter Yitzhak. He knew, what he had to do, and no one was going to stop him! Inner resolve means, you stay inner, you don’t look outside!
There’s a powerful Hatam Sofer about that night in Egypt: G-d commanded, “Do not go out, any man from the opening of his house until morning.” Outside there was chaos, screaming, death, drama. The natural instinct was to rush out and see what was happening. But the command was: Stay inside. Don’t react to every crisis. This required enormous inner strength, to hear turmoil and not be pulled into it. To maintain your resolve when everything external screams for reaction. G-d wanted this is a condition to Redemption.
This is relevant to what is going on in Israel at the rallies. Rabbis are telling people not to go! Gedolim are saying this is not our way! So, who are at these rallies?? Why are they there? It is a few extremists making the commotion, and the rest are people who want to see what is going on!!! People are literally dying because of these rallies, and by going to a rally, you are the cause for more people to be there and cause more people to be at risk,… but people naturally just want to see what the commotion is, and they can’t stop themselves! Similar to how G-d told Lot and his family, Run from Sedom, and don’t look back at the commotion! If you look back, you will get confused!
This was the test of G-d, in order for the Jews to be redeemed! Can you be a leader? Can you stay confined to not looking at the world, to be a good soldier and march to the tune of what is the right thing, what true authentic Daat Torah is, no matter the chaos that is out there, no matter the dangers?!?
Here’s what nobody tells you about anxiety: anxiety is when you are drowning in options and paralyzed by choice. Anxiety is often not about your circumstances but about your relationship to them. The peace you’re seeking doesn’t come from easier circumstances. It comes from clearer commitments. Not the elimination of uncertainty, but the power to lead through it.
Leaders, even facing tremendous challenges, can rest easy. Not because everything is resolved, but because they know exactly where they stand and what they’ve committed to, so the same circumstances that cause others panic, to them they are manageable. Leaders, even in the midst of chaos, know something that anxious followers don’t: The peace you’re seeking doesn’t come from easier circumstances. It comes from clearer commitments. This is the inner strength available to all of us: not the absence of difficulty, not because everything is perfect, but because you are leading, and you have in you the presence of Inner Resolve.
