THE ART OF PATIENCE
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THE ART OF PATIENCE
The Torah warns us in this week’s parasha (Devarim, chapter 8):
(10) You shall eat and be satisfied, and bless your G-d for the good land He has given you.
(11) Beware lest you forget your G-d, by not keeping His commandments, His laws, and His statutes which I command you today.
(12) Lest you eat and be satisfied, build good houses and dwell in them,
(13) and your herds and flocks increase, your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies,
(14) and your heart grows haughty, and you forget your G-d who brought you out from the land of Egypt, from the house of slavery,
(15) who led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with snake, fiery serpent, and scorpion, and thirst where there was no water; who brought you water from the rock of flint;
(16) who fed you manna in the wilderness, which your fathers had not known, to afflict you and test you, to do you good in your end;
(17) and you say in your heart, “My power and the might of my hand made me this wealth.”
(18) But you shall remember your G-d, for it is He who gives you power to make wealth, in order to establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as this day.
A person says to himself: “Look at my business skill! I bought here, I sold there. I foresaw that this neighborhood would develop. I predicted this house would rise in value. My wisdom brought me success.”
But the Torah warns: Do not forget the Creator, blessed be He. Wealth is not proof of your own greatness—it is a gift from Hashem.
The Sefer Mitzvot Gadol (SMaG) by R’ Moshe of Coucy originally did not list humility—or the prohibition against pride—as one of the 613 commandments. He knew humility was important, but he thought it did not belong in the official count.
When he completed his great work and prepared it for printing, he had a dream. In it, he was shown the verse, “Beware lest you forget Hashem your God” (Devarim 8:11). It was revealed to him that this warning—guarding against pride—was the foundation of all commandments. Without humility, the entire spiritual structure collapses. Awakening, he realized his mistake and revised his work to include the prohibition against pride as a formal mitzvah.
Pride is not just a bad trait—it is spiritual poison. The Gemara (Sotah 4b) teaches:
- One who is arrogant is considered as if he worshipped idols.
- Another opinion: as if he denied the very essence of God.
- Another: as if he violated all the forbidden relationships.
- Another: as if he built an idol.
False humility is easy to fake: a lowered head, a soft tone, acting meek in public. But real humility, says Rashi on “And the man Moshe was very humble” (Bamidbar 12:3), is patience. If your wife says she’ll be ready in one minute, and it turns into 20 or 30—you remain calm. You wait without anger. That is humility.
The Midrash tells of Rabbi Preida, who had a student who needed every lesson explained 400 times before understanding it. Rabbi Preida patiently repeated the lesson each time.
One day, after 400 repetitions, the student still didn’t understand—he was distracted, worried the Rabbi might be called away. So Rabbi Preida taught him another 400 times. A voice from Heaven declared: “Because of your patience, you and your entire generation will merit the World to Come.”
The Alter of Novhardok asked: Why didn’t Rabbi Preida consider this bitul Torah—a waste of precious learning time? His answer: Work on one’s character traits is higher even than Torah study. In Heaven, they don’t count pages learned; they count self-sacrifice for refining one’s middot.
R’ Chatzkel Levenstein taught that every extra moment of patience—waiting calmly for your wife, controlling anger when delayed—is spiritual gold. Even a single extra minute of patience, done with conscious intention, makes you “equal to your Creator” in that moment—emulating His infinite patience toward us (erech apayim).
When life tests you—traffic, delays, slow people—see it as an opportunity to fulfill a mitzvah greater than many hours of study: the mitzvah of humility through patience.
Our Rabbis teach that Hashem is Melech Aluv “the insulted King” who continuously gives life even to those who sin against Him with the very strength He provides. The words מִֽי־כָמֹ֤כָה בָּֽאֵלִם֙ יְקֹוָ֔ק are explained: מי כמוך באלמים “Who is like You among those who could speak but remain silent.” True strength is to endure and be patient, even when you have the power to respond. Hashem is “mighty” in that He bears the sins of people, continues to give them life and sustenance, and does not punish immediately—this is His extraordinary patience. The Midrash Tanchuma (Pinchas) teaches: When Moshe asked Hashem to appoint a leader for Israel, he requested someone patient enough to deal with each person according to their individual needs and understanding.
In Yechei Reuven, we find a conversation with Rabbi Bentzion Abba Shaul: His blessings were fulfilled instantly—something rare even among great sages. When asked his secret, he explained: “Blessings depend on Ahavat Yisrael. True love for every Jew, combined with great patience, is the key.” When you want a blessing from someone great, find the person with the most patience.
The Chafetz Chaim once noticed a struggling yeshiva student sitting alone in deep sadness on Yom Kippur night. Rather than retire to rest or continue praying, the Chafetz Chaim sat with him the entire night, speaking not of Torah, but of Hershel’s personal worries—encouraging him until morning prayers. This is Judaism: Not abstract holiness detached from life, but the ability to meet people where they are, to bear their burdens, and to lift their spirits.
True humility is not an outward show of meekness; it is the ability to remain calm in the moments that test you most. A humble person:
- Doesn’t explode when his wife is late.
- Doesn’t bring the stress of the day into the Shabbat table.
- Understands his children according to their age and stage—not expecting an 8-year-old to think like an adult.
According to the Siftei Kohen, patience is shown in two parts of Eliezer’s test of Rivka to see if she was worthy to be the mother of the Jewish Nation:
- “She will tilt the jug while it’s still in her hand.” Eliezer says he will ask, “Please tilt your jug.” Instead of taking it from her, he wants to see if she will patiently hold it for him to drink without rushing. This shows savlanut—being willing to serve personally without irritation.
- Each camel can drink a huge amount. Agreeing to draw water for all ten camels—without complaint—shows not just kindness, but remarkable endurance.
Patience here isn’t just waiting calmly—it’s sustaining effort cheerfully for someone else’s benefit, without showing annoyance or cutting corners.
To be a leader, the first ingredient is patience. Yaakov tells Reuven why he lost leadership: You had two special advantages over your brothers—Koḥi, my strength, and Reishit oni, the first drop of my life-force. I had so much patience until I had my first child, and all that energy, was instilled into you. You should have controlled your yetzer—especially in patience—more than your brothers. You had Yeter se’et (extra patience) and Yeter oz (inner power). But instead, when you saw I placed my bed in Bilhah’s tent, you reacted instantly, without patience—like rushing water that cannot stop. For this, you lost the extra honor.
Patience is humility in action: the world doesn’t owe you instant results. Impatience is haughtiness in disguise: the belief that life should run on your schedule.
The desert years were a masterclass in humility and patience, learning to depend daily on Hashem’s timing and provision. Impatience comes when we forget the manna and start thinking life should arrive on our schedule. “Remember the whole journey Hashem led you through in the wilderness these forty years—to humble you, to test you, to reveal what was in your heart. He let you hunger and fed you manna, so you’d know man doesn’t live on bread alone, but on every word from His mouth. Your clothes didn’t wear out, your feet didn’t swell. As a father disciplines his son, so Hashem disciplines you.”
According to the Ramban, the manna wasn’t just food—it was a daily exercise in patience, breaking desires, and training the mind to rule over cravings. Hashem gave it day by day and meat in the evening, not instantly available, forcing them to wait, developing self-control. This was essential for Torah life, because constant Torah study requires a person not ruled by physical cravings.
If you want to know how humble you are, check your reaction next time someone makes you wait. The next time, your patience is being tested, remember that it is G-d testing you, it is Your loving Father disciplining you!
