THE ART OF FOCUS AUDITING
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THE ART OF FOCUS AUDITING
When Eliezer returned with Rivkah after his mission to find a wife for Yitzhak, the Torah describes the moment as follows: “And Yitzhak went forth to pray in the field towards evening, and he lifted his eyes and saw, and behold, camels were approaching.” (Bereishit 24:63).
Why does the Torah emphasize that Yitzhak saw the camels? Shouldn’t the focus have been on Rivkah, his future wife and matriarch of the Jewish people? The detail seems almost unnecessary. But perhaps it contains a profound lesson about focus and perspective: Yitzhak didn’t focus on Rivkah immediately. He first noticed the camels, the vehicles carrying her. His disciplined and spiritual nature ensured he wasn’t distracted by appearances, although Rivka was very good looking. Contrast this with another moment in the Torah when Esav meets Yaakov and his new family after many years. After just meeting Yaakov, hugging and kissing him, it says, “And Esav lifted his eyes and saw the women and the children” (Bereishit 33:5). Esav’s focus is strikingly different. He immediately notices Yaakov’s wives.
What is the difference between the two, between Yitzchak and Esav? The answer lies in what each individual chooses to focus on. For Yitzhak, the arrival of Rivkah wasn’t about her physical beauty or the grandeur of the moment. It’s not about Rivka’s physical beauty or the drama, or “romance”. It was about her character, her destiny, and her role in building a nation. He focused on Rivkah’s character and her destiny as a partner in building the Jewish nation, not on her external beauty.
Esav, however, saw the world through a different lens. His focus immediately went to the visible, the external, and of course, Yaakov’s wives. For him, appearances and material possessions defined reality. His focus is immediately on the external— appearances, and possessions. His perception is defined by what is flashy and obvious, the short term pleasures, not by what is enduring or meaningful, the long term goals. This is what brought Esav ultimately, to the mistake of his life. The sale of his Firstborn Rights to his younger brother Yaakov. Now he was hungry, so he sold his future for the lentils in the present.
What we focus on expands. Where your focus goes, your energy flows—and so does your destiny. What we focus on defines us and shapes our world. Your Kivun, direction and life goals, develops your Kavanna, you focus and awareness. If your goal is to live in line with your values, what is significant, and character development, you’ll build something lasting. If you focus on appearances, you’ll always be chasing illusions and fleeting pleasure. If you fixate on material success, that will dominate your perception of life. That will be all that you see. But if you train yourself to focus on deeper values, you’ll see a world of meaning and purpose.
When Avraham entered Egypt, he told his wife Sarah, Now I know that you are a beautiful woman. He was married to her for a long while, but never focused on these external things, as love is not about looking into each other’s eyes, but in looking in the same direction. Her beauty, now, when entering Egypt, put Avraham’s life in danger, so now he noticed it.
When a groom gets married, he traditionally receives an Aliyah and reads the portion of Eliezer’s mission to find Rivkah. Why this story? Rabbenu Bachye explains, it’s a guide to focusing on what really matters in marriage. It reminds us that building a family isn’t about chasing externalities like wealth, beauty, or fame. These are fleeting—money grows wings and flies away, beauty fades, and fame is as fickle as the weather. Instead, as the verse says, “A grapevine with a grapevine, a good combination yields great wine.” A good wedding, is when a good family marries into another good family. You don’t want to mix good quality grapes with cheap quality grapes, if you want the best wine. For just like wine takes on the flavor of the barrel it’s aged in, children absorb the character of their mother’s family, as she is the “barrel” the wine is created in.
The Torah commands, “Do not stray after your hearts and your eyes” (Bamidbar 15:39). Because the heart shapes what the eyes see. If your heart is filled with greed, envy, or superficial desires, that’s what your eyes will notice, everywhere you look. If your heart seeks goodness, truth, and wisdom, you’ll find those to be what you notice and focus on around you.
As my Rosh Yeshiva taught me, When a man is looking at a woman when talking to her, he can direct the attention of his heart to be focused on the floor. Sometimes, a person can be looking at the floor when talking to a woman, but his heart is focused on her looks. It is not enough to control your eyes alone, you need to control your heart, as well.
This is true in so many areas of life. Emotions, Finances, Life Goals, Relationships, Spirituality and Balanced Living. Your heart shapes what you see, and what we choose to see reflects who we are inside. If you harbor resentment, you’ll find flaws everywhere. If you cultivate gratitude, generosity, and faith, your eyes will naturally gravitate toward positivity and opportunity.
This principle is why being a “working-learning” person—a balance between Torah study and earning a livelihood—is so challenging. Each area demands focus, and without careful discipline, one focus can easily overshadow the other. It’s easier to fully immerse yourself in just learning or just working, but balancing the two? That’s a constant tug-of-war.
In life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the long road ahead—how will I support my family, marry off my children, or achieve my goals? The secret is to focus on the next step. If you focus on your next step, G-d will help you, and take you to success. As the passuk says, אֶשָּׂ֣א עֵ֭ינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִ֑ים I lift my eyes to the mountains, to my Patriachs, my Horim, מֵ֝אַ֗יִן יָבֹ֥א עֶזְרִֽי From where will my help come? עֶ֭זְרִי מֵעִ֣ם יְהֹוָ֑ה My help will come from YKVK, עֹ֝שֵׂ֗ה שָׁמַ֥יִם וָאָֽרֶץ׃ the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. When you realize that you are אין, that you are nothing, that is when G-d will help you. He will achieve your goals for you, as long as you focus on your next step. He will show up out of nowhere, like the Pink Fiat…
Last week, I was coming out of a supermarket parking lot when a large van collided with my car, smashing in the front left wing. The man driving the van insisted we exchange details outside the lot as many cars were in line trying to exit the parking lot. I agreed, but as soon as we exited, he sped away.
There I was—frustrated, my car damaged, with nothing but a phone number that wasn’t being answered. I tried chasing him to take a picture of his license plate, but couldn’t catch up. The supermarket refused to release camera footage without police involvement. When he would answer the phone, he would say he does not have time, he is in a rush. He said, if I wanted to, I could call the police. Police said, go to station to file a claim. Feeling stuck and uncertain about what to do next, I drove slowly home, discouraged and unsure how to proceed.
As I stopped at a red light just two blocks from my home, I noticed the pink Fiat that had been behind me at the accident. This was an hour and a half after the accident, and here is that same car?!? I rolled down my window and asked if the driver remembered what happened. To my amazement, the driver confirmed everything and agreed to be a witness for my insurance claim! The chances of encountering this witness again, far from the accident site, were almost zero. The driver could have been in Cyprus by then. Yet, it happened.
When we can’t see the way forward, G-d sends the “pink Fiat” we need right when we need it. I told the Van driver, that I had a witness, and he then gave me his information. The insurance was only willing to cover the damage, if I had a witness. Thank you G-d, for sending me the Pink Fiat!
In the future, when you need it most, G-d will send you your Pink Fiat. Instead of worrying about the steps ahead, identify the immediate action you can take. Whether it’s a phone call, a conversation, or a single step forward, this focus keeps you moving. This is true in any area of life, including your financials. “A person’s livelihood is as difficult as the splitting of the sea.” Yet, just as G-d provided a path for the Jews when they needed it most, telling them, just focus on your next step through the Sea, so too does He guide us when we take our next step forward in faith.
This is true regarding Teshuva as well. The Rambam writes in Hilchot Teshuvah that each of us should view the world as balanced on a scale—our next action has the power to tip the scale toward good. One step towards spirituality, can make you into a tzaddik… You just need to focus on what the next mitzvah for you is, and it will change the world. When we focus on our next step, we give ourselves the opportunity to move forward without getting bogged down by the enormity of the journey or repentance.
A word of caution: We live in a time where, tech has taken over our hearts, not giving us a chance to focus on our goals. Smartphones are machines that are much smarter than us humans. Inappropriate sites are much stronger than our Yetzer Tov. (There are more views of inappropriate content websites, than the views of Youtube, Netflix, Amazon Prime and Twitter, combined!!! 30 % of all internet usage is inappropriate content related! These are the facts.) These tech tools, when not properly filtered, in an instant, can infiltrate into your deepest desires, and control your choices, even if you had no interest in such content to begin with, even if you were pure at heart to begin with.
Social media, YouTube, and anything else that is addicting where you just wanted to be scrolling or browsing for 2 or 3 minutes, but then you find yourself an hour later still there, are Focus Pirates. They are multi billion dollar machines, that pirate your focus and sell your focus to advertisers. The rule in consumer psychology is, if there is no product to buy, if something is free, it is because, YOU are the product.
To get back our focus, we need periodic digital detox. We need gratitude journaling and meditating, to recover from the cognitive damage done by these machines. Spirituality only expands when you can focus on it. All the Torah began from Moshe’s focus on a burning bush. If Moshe would have had a Smartphone, he would have never noticed the burning bush!! (And if he did, he might have just taken a selfie by the bush, post it for some likes, and move on!) And then we would have never received the Torah!
Selfie Steps : 1. At the end of each day, write down three things you noticed that brought you joy or meaning. This trains your eyes to focus on positivity and depth. 2. When faced with a choice, pause and ask: Am I focusing on the short-term or the long-term? What are the deeper values at play here? Focus on what builds, not on what fades. Modesty remains. Makeup fades. 3. Visualize your long-term goals daily, write them down. Imagine the person you want to be, the legacy you want to leave behind. 4. Keep a focus log, do a “Focus Audit”. Make sure your focus is on the good in others, and the opportunities in the challenges.
