english VAYESHEV

SUCCESSFUL DEAD

I know that this title will catch people’s attention. But that is not why I chose it. I chose it because there are many ways that people understand what success is .When everyone in the shul says in Hallel, אנא ה’ הושיעה נא , אנא ה’ הצליחה נא “Please, G-d, give us salvation quickly; please, G-d, make us successful quickly,” there are different things going through the different minds of the worshipers. Some people, of course, are not even thinking about what they are saying.  But even the ones who are, have different definitions of success.

There was a Kollel Avreich that I was coaching who found himself successful in a certain business field. He felt that if he was making money, then this must have been what G-d wanted him to do with his life.  When people are making money, or when they are becoming famous, it is common for them to feel that this is G-d’s will. After all, they reason, had He not desired this outcome, they would not have achieved their success. But this is very wrong. The Hovot Halevavot makes this very clear. In many instances where G-d makes a person rich, his wealth is not a blessing.  It is a test. So it turns out that from a Torah perspective, making money is not at all the definition of being successful. Some hope that they can “make it”, “get to the Hall of Fame”; but this is similar to the case of the rich: that they are not being “successful”, but, rather, being put to the test. If you notice, in all the prayers we make, we almost never ask G-d to make us rich and famous.  Such a request can be made only in a personal, voluntary prayer that we may add in שמע קולנו . This is because, for most people, being rich and being famous are not always blessings – or even at all good for them. On the contrary, it takes them away from what our religion considers to be real success. There is only one success in our religion: sanctifying G-d’s Name at all times. To “be” – to live and to dieעל קידוש השם .  It is easy to forget this all-important goal when thinking about “making it big”.  And the only time it is acceptable to ask to become rich, to ask G-d that we become well-known or acclaimed, is when we want to use that wealth or fame to make us attain a greater degree in being מקדש שם שמים . And, the intent behind the person’s prayer becomes very clear through his expression of thanks, if his prayers are answered.  What does he say?  “I was successful,” or “G-d granted me success”?

This reminds me of a personal story that I had with my Rosh Yeshiva, R’ Nosson Tzvi Finkel , zt”l. This story actually sheds light on R’ Nosson Tzvi, what he was all about, and how he ran the Yeshivas Mir, the biggest yeshiva in the world.  It was about six years ago when I heard of a prominent community member, also a family friend, who got into big financial trouble.  As this person donated appreciable sums to important funds in Israel, I asked if the Yeshiva could say Tehillim for his success – specifically for his ישועה. The Rosh Yeshiva told me, “We do not know how things will turn out.  We should daven only that Kiddush Hashem be the result, and not חס ושלום , a Chillul Hashem.” At the time, I did not realize what he meant.  Now, I do.  I realize that all of our Tefillot are in essence not for what we consider success or salvation. Not that the sick feel better. Not that the poor have sustenance. Not even that we learn Torah with more fervor. Even though this is what we actually ask in our prayers, still, that is not the essence of prayer. Money comes, and money goes.  People come, and people go. But the כבוד שמים  is always at stake, either a Kiddush Hashem or a Chillul Hashem.  The essence of prayer, all prayer, is to be ,מקדש שם שמים  and in all our supplications, we are actually asking that there be a Kiddush Hashem. We ask for specific things, for when Hashem hears our Tefillot, when He answers our prayers, there is a Kiddush Hashem, because we prayed to Him, and then He granted our requests. And then, we attribute the “success” to Him. This is how we end the first blessing of the Amidah. למען שמו באהבה  – not for us , but for Him. We are even willing to die for Him, (one of the כוונות that we are supposed to have in saying those words) and that would be our success, because that is what we are all about.  Although we might know this, we tend not to lead our lives according to this principle.

The Talmud in Sotah ( 10) says, Yosef that sanctified G-d’s Name in private, by withstanding his test with Potifar’s wife, merited having the letterה’   from G-d’s Name added to his – עדות ביהוסף שמו  . Yehuda, who sanctified G-d’s Name in public, merited having his whole name the Name of G-d. Since he admitted that Tamar became pregnant from him, the Heavenly Voice said, “You saved Tamar and her two boys; I will save חנניה מישאל ועזריה  from the fire of Nebuchadnezzar.”   We see from here that the way to be  מקדש שם שמים   is by doing everything we do and living our lives the way G-d asks of us. And there is a difference as to whether our actions are in public or in private.  We forget that living the way we are supposed to, with every challenge we face, is in essence putting שם שמים  on the table.  Our every act is either aקידוש ה’  or a חילול ה’. And we find that Yosef, was the only one in the Torah to be called successful, וַיְהִי ה’ אֶת יוסף ויהי איש מצליח- When?    When he was in the house of Potifar, working as a slave. Why? Because ויהי ה’ את יוסף  G-d was with Yosef. Yosef was able to make a Kiddush hashem, despite the unenviable position in which he found himself.  The position was irrelevant to success; the end result – sanctification of G-d’s Name – defined it!

The Tzafnat Paneach writes that the mitzvah of lighting the Chanuka candles is a double mitzvah. There is a commemoration of the miracle of the oil. And, we light the candles outside, in public, to commemorate the miraculous victory. This פרסומי ניסא, lighting outside, is taken very seriously in the Charedi homes inIsraeland is to be done in the best possible way. People are particular as to when to light and where to light. This is not being fanatic. This is the whole mitzvah of Chanuka. It is showing that the victory was not just a victory at war.  It was a victory of sanctifying His Name. ואתה עשית שם גדול וקדוש בעולמך …

LIVING IN THE PRESENT

 Many of us, at some point in our lives, feel despair and sorry for ourselves over situations in which we find ourselves. We may imagine that if we would have been in so-and-so’s shoes or possessed someone else’s mazal then we would be more successful and content. These feelings may be felt as one struggles in their learning in yeshivah or seminary but rationalizes failure: if only I would have been in a different school or environment before I came here, I would have been much better off. Similar regrets may be harbored by one who watches friends getting married, starting families, as one feels “left behind”. A person may blame business or life partners, relatives, friends, teachers or religious and other authorities for “ruining my life,” “messing me up.” However, these attitudes and reactions handicap and hamper the fulfillment of one’s potential. They greatly affect the decisions one makes for his/her future, especially if the response is to sit around and wait for the good times to start.

I would like to draw on an observation about the mindset of Yosef in similar circumstances. The Midrash relates how Yosef’s master, Potifar,  noticed how Yosef would constantly whisper to himself while executing household chores. Potifar suspected that the Jewish boy was casting spells on his home and family. The master confronted Yosef about his peculiar behavior. Yosef replied that a request to G-d was always on his lips: My constant prayer is that every action I do will find favor in my master’s eyes.

One may wonder why Yosef cared so much to find favor in his master’s eyes. After all, he did not owe anything to his master, Potifar. Yosef, a mere teenager at age 17, had been kidnapped, messed over and sold as a slave by his own brothers. We would expect him neither to exert himself nor be particularly productive while thinking about his bitter state. Apart from G-d, Yosef was alone in the world. We would not be surprised if Yosef had lost all trust in his family and religion. After all, his older brothers were great and holy men. How could such people treat him so abominably and unjustly? Yet, despite the circumstances, Yosef did not let these thoughts take him away from acting properly and effectively. Yosef lived in the present. If G-d doomed him to be a slave, then he will not only perform his best; he will constantly pray to G-d that he finds favor in the eyes of his master since that is the best thing he can do in his present situation.

Rebbe Simcha Bunim of Peshischa would say: a person who denies that the dirt under his feet was put there by G-d for a purpose is a kofer (non-believer) in regards to hashgacha pratit (divine providence). Where we are is exactly where G-d wants us to prove ourselves to ourselves. So many successful people are not necessarily successful because they had resources of money, good family, emotional support, friends and contacts, high IQ, etc. that brought them to success. More often it is because they employ a character trait we may call resourcefulness. They choose from what they can do. They look around, noting how they can achieve the most they can with what they have and where they are – and do it. It is even strange how frequently people blame things upon reasons which they believe cause them to be stuck. This prevents them from moving forward in their lives. There are so many decisions one can make and actions one can perform where free will can be exercised and many of our dreams may be attained. G-d gives everyone a lot of room for this.

On a final note, Rebbe Tzadok HaKohen, in Tzidkat Hatzaddik, deduces that if G-d invests so much in each and every one of us it is because he believes in each and every one of us. It is as important to believe in ourselves as it is to believe in G-d. This is what we mean when we say Ani Maamin (I believe). א-ל אמונה ואין עוול …  means that G-d put His belief in His Creation that it will reach Its purpose. He believes in each and every one of us as well. We first have to believe in the Ani. Only then can we be a Maamin. May we learn from Yosef’s belief in himself. And,  maybe, then we can learn from his belief in G-d.

THE INNOCENCE OF CHEESE

There is a custom on Chanukah that women refrain from doing work while the candles of the Menorah are burning. This custom commemorates the miraculous routing of Syrian Greek troops by Yehudit, daughter of Mattityahu (Maccabee), the Kohen Gadol. Yehudit’s victory took place on her wedding day in that terrible period when all Jewish brides were forced to be with the Greek general just before starting their marital life.

On that fateful day, Yehudit approached the general with a bag containing a flask of wine and a block of cheese. Once in seclusion with him, Yehudit opened her bag and offered the general a taste of enticing cheese. The general could not resist, and ate the salty cheese – which made him thirsty. Yehudit then made her next move: she offered the general the wine she had brought along so that he could quench his thirst. As she had hoped, the wine got the better of the general, who fell into a deep slumber. When the Greeks soldiers were shown that their leader had been assassinated, they fled for their lives. This well-known episode is also the source of the custom to eat dairy products during the eight day holiday of Chanukah.

Although this custom and story are well known, the deeper meaning is not. Why do we commemorate the cheese, but not the wine? If Yehudit’s plan was to get the general to sleep, then the main ingredient of her plot was wine. The cheese was just a means to the end of getting the general to thirst for wine. Why, then, do we ignore the wine, and make a big deal about the cheese?

The answer is inspiring. Every general knows not to drink wine in wartime. Cheese, however, is not necessarily on the radar screen of a general at war. If Yehudit would have brought only wine, then her plot would not have gotten off the ground. The only way to have gotten the general to drink wine was to first give him some cheese that would make him thirsty. The failure of the general was in thinking that he could eat cheese, but not get thirsty enough to need a flask of wine to quench his thirst. This is why we commemorate the cheese, but not the wine.

We are all ‘generals’ in a battle to be better, more G-d fearing, observant Jews. Often we are confronted with temptations that could cause us to make mistakes. The obvious sin is more easily avoided. No one is ordering ‘bacon and eggs’, but sometimes we could fall into a trap of something (metaphorically, ‘the cheese’). We may say to ourselves, ‘There is nothing really wrong with this’ or ‘Only this one time’ or rationalize to ourselves ‘ I know my limits, I won’t go too far’. These and other similar situations cross the minds of many ‘generals’ in the battle for Torah values.

It is not the “wine” that we have to fear. “Cheese” is much more of a threat because it is, we tell ourselves, “only cheese.”

YOSEF FARHI