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Both Yitzchak and Rivkah had to pray hard until G-d granted them children. But a close look at the beginning of our parashah reveals that G-d actually answered the prayers of Yitzchak, not the prayers of Rivkah (Yevamot 64a). What was the reason for this? The Talmud explains that Yitzchak had an advantage over his wife: He was the righteous child of a righteous father, whereas Rivkah was the righteous child of a wicked father. The rule is that the prayers of a tzaddik descending from a tzaddik are more effective than those of a tzaddik descending from a rasha (wicked person).

Now, we may wonder about this rule since the Torah earlier indicates that Rivkah came from a family and community of evildoers (at least in some ways) in order to emphasize her greatness: although she was surrounded by evil influences, she did not allow herself to be tainted by them.  Furthermore, we are all familiar with the statement of our Sages that baalei teshuvah (penitents, returnees to Torah Judaism) “stand in a place where even full-fledged tzaddikim do not stand.”  That is, they are on a higher spiritual level. If so, why should the prayers of Yitzchak have been more effective than those of Rivkah simply because Yitzchak was “religious” from birth?

The explanation is that although Rivkah came from an irreligious – actually, idolatrous – home, she was not the baal teshuvah our Sages were referring to. They were referring to someone born into a religious family who sinned, and then returned to the fold by repenting (doing teshuvah). Let us understand this idea, which may strike us as counterintuitive.  Why should someone who was able to withstand the temptations of the lifestyle of his or her family and community be less effective in prayer than a “tzaddik ben tzaddik,” a person who did not have to struggle with all of this?

One answer is almost obvious if we think about it. When the righteous child of righteous parents prays, he can draw on zechut avot – the merits of his righteous parents and ancestors. This explains why there are families whose prayers are especially powerful (and why many people turn to righteous present-day members of these families for “prayer assistance” in times of need).

I would like to suggest a second answer as well. No-one would deny the great achievement of those who took it upon themselves to become religious when they had to leave the comfort of their social setting – and sometimes endure opposition from family when it came to kosher foods, Shabbat, and similar issues. These people struggled tremendously for the sake of truth, and their reward is enormous. This is what Rivkah had to go through.

But apparently, in the eyes of our Sages, this does not compare with the difficulties one who was born religious faces in keeping on track. One who is born in a house where the surrounding culture and beliefs run against the culture and beliefs they have been raised on, may have to struggle to withstand many temptations all around, and to accept the reassurance of parents that they are missing nothing. In contrast, someone who came from a shallow world in which there is no ultimate meaning or goal in life, and family life revolves around entertainment and vacations, knows that he is not really missing out on anything.  He has experienced it all, and knows just how shallow all of these “pleasures” really are. This is not so for the religious. They have to take it on faith, so to speak, and sometimes labor to ignore the allurements of cheap thrills and worldly pleasures.

And this is exactly what Yitzchak did. He grew up in a home without such influences and allurements (after his brother Yishmael was sent away). He never experienced any of the outside world’s so-called pleasures, yet he did not feel deprived. For this alone, he had greater merit than Rivkah.

 Four Contemporary Challenges

* Religious Jews sometimes convince themselves that they will not be influenced by having significant contact with secular Jews or gentiles. I can tell you from what I have observed over the years that this is far from the truth. It is just possible, by the way, that there is a Biblical precedent for this. It seems to me that the slight spiritual decline experienced by Yehudah (the son of Yaakov, our Patriarch) – as described in Parashat VaYeisheiv – might be connected with the business partnership he made with one of the townspeople.

* Religious Jewish parents – especially in Western societies – sometimes convince themselves that the open-mindedness of the surrounding culture is also good policy at home.  What they forget of course, is that they are opening a Pandora’s Box which may explode in their face. While children should be given the power to make certain decisions, we believe that the alternatives we allow them to choose between must all be acceptable from a Torah standpoint.

* The religious student often sees the student from a non-religious or less Orthodox home taking his prayers and studies more seriously than himself or herself. In the girls’ seminaries, an FFB student might not understand why she has difficulty keeping to the standards of a friend or acquaintance who observes a modest dress code that is stricter then her own. Instead of giving in to the temptation to keep away from the friend or acquaintance, she should seriously consider re-evaluating her own standards.

* Finally, FFB’s should meditate on the reward they will receive in the World-to-Come for living a lifetime without looking around outside the Torah world to see if they are missing out on anything. This is a major test for some – especially in Israel, where there is an organized movement to get religious people to become non-religious. I strongly recommend to any FFB who finds this temptation getting the better of him or her, to speak with people who were seduced by this insidious movement, but had the inner strength and wisdom to return to the fold.

DEALING WITH A WAYWARD CHILD

Yitzchak loved Esav because game was in his mouth…  (Bereishit 25:28)

But why?  Why did Yitzchak favor Esav more than his righteous son Yaakov? The Ben Ish Chai explains that if we look closely, we will see in this verse two reasons for Yitzchak’s surprising preference. The first reason is that Esav “trapped” his father with his smooth and misleading talk. He slyly presented himself as a righteous person by asking his father questions which gave the impression that he adhered to Jewish Law scrupulously.  For example, he asked about tithing salt. Yitzchak, however, did not fall for his son’s pretensions. But he showed Esav love outwardly in order that his son should not continue in his wicked ways and go off the religious path entirely. Yitzchak believed that by building such a relationship with his son, Esav would – out of respect for his father – refrain from the sort of behavior that would embarrass his prestigious family.

The second reason why Yitzchak loved Esav is given at the end of the verse: “and Rivkah loved Yaakov.”  Since Rivkah outwardly portrayed her love to Yaakov, and Yitzchak himself loved Yaakov inwardly, Yitzchak feared that Esav’s jealousy would get the better of him. Yitzchak felt it appropriate to show love for his son Esav in order that Esav should not feel jealous of Rivkah’s love toward Yaakov. He hoped that Esav would suffice with the love of his father.

There is a very important lesson here for parents of the early 21^st Century. Let’s be honest: One of the wonders of the modern world is a family where the children really have respect for their parents. What is the secret of such families? More often than not, the answer is that these children were respected as people by their parents. By being respected, they were taught what respect means. If we want our children to respect us, we have to first respect them. This is something that even an Esav was able to pick up.

Another important lesson in parenting that emerges from the parashah is this: a key reason why a child from a religious family leaves his parents’ path is because he feels that he has no relationship with his father. A father must remember this at all times, and learn from Yitzchak. In the merit of dealing with his son Esav with love, and not throwing him out of the house, Yitzchak became our defender in Heaven.  Through his example, he beseeches G-d to let His wayward children come back home to Torah and Mitzvot. Indeed, if we ourselves follow Yitzchak’s example when faced with children who stray from the Torah path, this may well help generate the merit which will bring the Final Redemption.

Shabbat Shalom, Yosef Farhi

IN LOVING MEMORY OF REUVEN BEN SARA AND CHANA BAT HENYA

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