english – ekev

There are times when a parent must reprimand or punish a child. Ideally, of course, the parent should pause before taking action, and think things over. Is he (or she) acting out of love for the child, or for some other reason?  Unfortunately, some parents fool themselves or simply ignore this crucial question. The Ben Ish Chai helps us see that the Torah itself hints at the importance of making this reckoning before disciplining a child.

In this week’s parashah ( Devarim 8:8 ), the Torah says: Know in your heart that Hashem, your G-d, punishes you like a man punishes his son  (וידעת עם לבבך כי כאשר ייסר איש את בנו ה’ אלקיך מיסרך). The Ben Ish Chai asks: Would it not be more appropriate to speak of a father punishing his son rather than a man punishing his son?

He answers with this remarkable insight. Although a parent usually loves his child more than anyone else does, the parent does not, unfortunately, always have the good of the child in mind. A father, for example, may be motivated by embarrassment over having a child who did this or that inappropriate thing. In contrast, when an adopting father needs to rebuke his step-child that he adopted out of love, he probably does so solely out of a concern for the child’s good. He does not take the misbehavior to heart like a real father does.

And this is the way G-d rebukes and punishes us when we deserve it. He never punishes us out of “self-interest,” so to speak. He disciplines us in order to better us. This is what the Torah is communicating when it speaks of a man punishing his son rather than a father punishing his son.

Before a parent punishes his child, he must ask himself this question. “Am I bothered by the damage to my image or by the fact that my child may not grow up to be a good person if he gets used to acting this way?” If parents would always ask themselves this question before reacting to their child’s misbehavior, they would be better parents and would raise better children.   

FIGURING OUT HOW TO FEAR G-D

In this week’s Torah portion, Moshe Rabbeinu said to our nation, during his final national address, “ועתה ישראל מה ה’ אלקיך שואל מעמך כי אם ליראה את ה’ אלקיך” And now what does HaShem your G-d ask from you more than to fear Him… (Devarim 10:12). This is, of course, a major undertaking; as Shlomoh HaMelech wrote, “’אם תבקשנה ככסף וכמטמונים תחפשנה אז תבין יראת ה” If you beseech it as if it is silver and if, like treasures, you search it, then you will comprehend the fear of G-d (Mishlei 2:4-5). I gave this subject much thought, as we are commanded by G-d to do.

Fearful for a Living

It emerges from these words of Shlomoh HaMelech that the quest to achieve the fear of G-d is a lifetime’s work. This is confirmed by the words of the prophet Yonah when he was found to be the cause of the storm that threatened the lives of those on the Nineveh-bound ship. When the crewmembers on Yonah’s ship interrogated him, asking who he was and what was his occupation, he answered, “עברי אנכי ואת ה’ אלקי השמים אני ירא” I am a Jew and I fear HaShem, the G-d of the Heavens  (Yonah 1:9). Notice that Yonah responded that his occupation is that he “fears G-d”. Although this sounds foreign to many of us, bringing G-d into one’s life and feeling His Presence tangibly was the occupation and identity of many Jews for thousands of years.

Generating the Emotion

While we naturally respect the title, “G-d fearing”, as a good virtue, we may not possess a clear understanding of what the values of being “G-d fearing” actually comprise. There is great importance in first clarifying this.

Indeed, one of the six mitzvoth that exists every second of the life of each Jew, wherever that Jew may be, is to fear G-d. As we saw above, it is a commandment from the Torah; however, it is a strange one when you ponder it. Fear is an emotion. How can we be commanded to generate any emotion, especially this one of fear, if one does not feel fear at all? (The same question may be asked about the similar yet different precept to love G-d constantly.)

‘What’ and ‘Who’ Before ‘How’

Prior to discussing how to fear G-d, we must first explore what such a term entails. It seems the term “G-d fearing” is used rather loosely as people hold different views as to what qualifications are prerequisites to classify one as “G-d fearing”. In pursuing clarity of what fear of G-d actually means, we must first picture to ourselves someone upon whom we confer the epithet “G-d fearing” and define what exactly are they doing that represents to us such a worthy portrayal. Just over a century ago, we may have held the Chafetz Chayim, the Ben Ish Chai and the Sfas Emes, amongst others, to be such paradigms for us. However, we do need to identify a living and accessible model to whom we can relate as “G-d fearing”. It is critically important to connect ourselves with these personages, as we will discuss below.

Surveillance Cameras

There are, of course, many difficulties that one encounters when seeking a personal acquaintance who they believe personifies the attribute of fear of G-d. Since many interpret “G-d fearing” as referring to a person who will act no less righteously alone than when in front of others, this can make it hard to verify who is for real without the benefit of a 24-hour surveillance camera focused on the person.

Alternatively, one may perceive another’s efforts to be in a position where he is not alone as often as possible, saving himself from being tempted to sin, as a level of fearing G-d that is praiseworthy.

Fear Reality Check

Thus, from these two interpretations, it becomes apparent that fearing G-d has many levels. Rav Yosef Chayim of Baghdad conveys the following idea of one of the highest levels, indicating how far the rational fear of G-d can elevate one, directly influencing one’s behavior and imbuing within a person an extremely high degree of the emotion of fear. He starts by drawing on the following observation.

Fear of “Heaven”?

We call the fear of G-d in Hebrew יראת שמים – literally the fear of Heaven. Isn’t Heaven the place where G-d dwells? Would it not be then more precise to describe fear of Him as יראת השם – the fear of His name?

The answer the Ben Ish Chai gives is that the word שמים Heaven, according to one explanation, is a combination of the words אש ומים – fire and water. Our Rabbis explain that Heaven was created with fire and water – usually two extreme opponents. Normally, when combined, fire evaporates water and water extinguishes fire. Nonetheless, out of fear of their Creator, these two elements bond, defy their inherent nature, and resist their opposing laws of existence in order to coexist and fulfill G-d’s will. The Ben Ish Chai expounds that this is the very reason why we refer to “fear of G-d” as “fear of Heaven”. It is not only describing the object of the fear per se but rather a degree of fear. The fear emotion on this degree is so strong and real that all values, instincts and interests melt in its presence. This, of course, is close to an ultimate degree of fear that is not easily attainable.

In between the levels of “fear of G-d” described, there are still many other levels. And the responsibility each Jew is given is to look for the next level where fear of G-d can be intensified as a new goal and strive for it. Each day we live and every moment that we breathe…

Ingredients of the Intellect of Fear

The first step to internalize the emotion of fear is on an intellectual level. The Rambam writes in Moreh Nevuchim, “When a person constantly focuses on the truism that the Almighty King, HaShem, who fills the whole world, stands over him and sees his actions, etc., immediately he will attain fear and trepidation of G-d and will be embarrassed before Him.” This is the way our forefathers achieved fear of G-d prior to our nation receiving the Torah at Mount Sinai. Our Rabbis teach us that through Torah study and adhering to its laws we are able to instill inside ourselves fear of G-d. The very fact that someone is meticulous about finding out exactly what G-d wants from each individual can affect one’s emotion of fear and reverence to G-d. The contemplation of the endless efforts spent by the Rabbis who compiled halachic works, from the Mishnah to the present, to clarify what is the law as well as the precision of their words concerning these matters, can bring about fear of G-d when this concept is properly internalized.

Fear of the Unknown

Nevertheless, this internalization may not yet arouse the emotion of fear as much as it stimulates the intellectual level of it.

For example, a person who finds himself standing in front of a roaring lion feels tremendous trepidation instinctively without first rationalizing the fear. Although knowledge that the situation is dangerous is essential to trigger fear, when he is standing in front of the lion there is no need to consciously infuse any fear.

However, fear must be instilled intellectually for dangers that are neither imminent nor immediately apparent, such as those of cigarette smoking, not wearing seatbelts and excessive overweight. Whereas the danger of being in the vicinity of a roaring, hungry lion or a vicious, poisonous snake should not need to be mentioned twice, a young child on the other hand does not fear being next to a quiet lion or walking into a lane of oncoming traffic any more than he fears a barking dog. The responsibility for explaining such a fear belongs to the parent. By studying how a parent instills fear into a child of entering the street we may learn how to instill fear of G-d into ourselves. One Rabbi made this metaphor “fear and caution of transgressing G-d’s words should be no less than fear and caution of walking into a very busy highway. Every step should be done with great caution”.

Osmotic Emotions

If a responsible parent intends to imbue their tender child with fear of rushing carelessly into the road, they should first plan as to how they will instill this fear. Some parents do not prepare a particular method in advance, preferring to wait for the child to put a foot into the street and then severely reprimand them. However, in order to get the child to refrain from going into the street when the parent is not looking as well, this method may not work. The manner I found works most effectively with my children is to read with them educational, illustrated books specifically designed to show the danger of such an act and transmit the fear of it to a child.

It goes without saying that infants and young children must be punished appropriately for stepping into a street alone but this may not instill fear from the street as much as instill fear of the parent. By relaying our own fear of going into the street, this demonstrates to the child that we are afraid of little children walking into streets, and this fear is somehow assimilated by the child. In other words emotions are osmotic. Movie producers use this to transport emotions of the storyline into their viewers. They may put a tear on an actor’s cheek to put one on the cheek of the viewer. T/V show producers know that when we see others cry or laugh, we too follow suit. Interestingly enough, the same is true for yawning. If in a room of people someone yawns, a ripple effect of yawning often takes place amongst the other people in the room. This is because a yawn is the way the body expresses itself when feeling tired.

The emotion of fear is osmotic as well and when the child sees people afraid of the cars on the street, he too will be afraid of crossing the street carelessly. Of course, this subtle, subconscious lesson can be undermined once he is exposed to people who are not so afraid, such as jaywalkers or even his own parents who do not obey traffic rules.

This concept can help us in our lifelong mission to fear G-d. In order to absorb the fear of G-d, one must connect to people that demonstrate it and refrain from people who lack it. The emotion of fear is contagious, and so is the lack of it.

Chimpanzee Experiments

A study was conducted in an Israeli university, in which a group of four chimpanzees was taken and locked in a two-floor house. The researchers placed a large amount of good-smelling chimpanzee food upstairs. They also installed upstairs a sprinkler of boiling hot water that would be activated automatically when the sensor recognized the arrival of a person or animal. One chimpanzee smelled the enticing food, climbed the stairs and was duly burnt by the boiling hot water and the poor thing jumped down the stairs screaming. Another chimpanzee made a similar attempt and it followed the first down the stairs with burns as well. The other two did not attempt to even go up. The experimenters removed out one of the chimpanzees and placed another in its stead. The new chimpanzee did not either attempt to go upstairs although it was not there when the first two got burnt. Then they replaced another one of the four with a new one. It did not go up as well. They then replaced the third and then the fourth and still no chimpanzee dared to go upstairs to eat the chimpanzee food. Although the researchers continuously changed the chimpanzees every day, still the fear was present.

I do not know from where so many chimpanzees were obtained but the premise of the study is a very good one. Although the chimpanzees may not have communicated verbally with each other, each one did not have to suffer getting burnt in order to fear going upstairs. By observing that the others were afraid the new chimpanzees feared going upstairs as well.

Putting it All Together

Although we might not be able to appreciate or comprehend the fear of G-d a Jew possessed, even just one hundred years back, we are definitely not supposed to throw our hands up in despair from the fear that we can never attain it. Those individuals we see around us who we personally regard as G-d fearing are those with whom it is incumbent for us to connect, observe and emulate, in order to accomplish the task of fearing G-d. And still we must constantly think and rethink how to instill this emotion inside us, absorb it, assimilate it and live it…